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“Love not sleep lest thou come unto poverty”
Proverbs 20:13 · 26th April, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceAll Ages
“Love not sleep lest thou come unto poverty:
Open thine eyes, and thou shall be satisfied with bread.”
I take this as literal and symbolic. We were made to work for our upkeep.
In Literature classes (my favourite!) we were taught about outer meanings and inner meanings.
Outer meaning here could be: if you love to sleep, then you will not eat, and you will fall into a desperate situation characterised by LACK.
While this is true, it has bred a dangerous culture that frowns on rest by linking it to laziness. This could be the reason why children in boarding schools (in parts of Africa) are not given the time to close their eyes and rest — because it is seen as a waste of time that could be used to do classwork or some sort of ‘show you are busy and focused’ activity. This ends up nurturing children who carry this mentality to their homes and children when they finally have them, causing shame and guilt to develop in them for taking even a few minutes to themselves.
Might I remind you that even God took a day to rest and appreciate His good creation in Genesis — in fact, after every day “He saw it was good.” In extension, He gave us a rest day. It is good to rest and it is good to appreciate the work that you have done. “Practice gratitude,” is what therapists would say!
Inner meaning here could be that we sleep on the things that matter and could feed us — give us bread. To me, this looks like not utilising the gifts and talents that have been given to us. How this links to ‘outer meaning’ is we work ourselves in a very linear way, OR RATHER, are made to move on a linear path that causes us NOT to see the benefit of using what comes so naturally to us. It is not entirely our fault! I think this is part of the reason why we are encouraged to seek the Kingdom of God first, and then all these things shall be added to us. Why? Only He can properly help us / make us maintain the integrity of His design of and for us: from its goodness to its exponential growth potential being actualised. Be fruitful and multiply.
“Open thine eyes, and thou shall be satisfied with bread.”
MK. Author
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21st May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
Hearing Aba explain the timeline of events unfolding before our eyes had me questioning his sensibility.
How does a low sperm count translate to impotence? He seemed to think he was impotent. How did he sleep with (seemingly) every girl he went on a date with? Why was he so fast? So many questionable decisions from a man I always found quite levelled in his judgement.
As has been the trend lately, almost every time I judge a person, I am humbled at the speed of light!
The last time I was deeply hurt, I started to reopen a dangerous chapter of my life. I stepped foot on ‘F*** Around and Find Out’ road and took a few steps forward. I am just blessed to have had God to KEEP ME FROM MYSELF and the danger I was allowing back in because I was in pain and didn’t even know it. I had even convinced myself that I could conquer the consequences. They couldn’t be that bad, right?
Before that though, years ago, when I experienced my first heartbreak from a person I thought I would marry, I went down the path I mention above. I was hurt, I couldn’t take any man seriously, but I still wanted a connection that I could only get from them. So, casual dating it was, with a heavy emphasis on serial — ***CRUNCH CRUNCH.
What I learned is I was NOT built for that life. It was too demanding and a cloud of guilt would keep me up because I was leading on people who did not deserve to be led on (not that anybody deserves to!). This is what weighed me down the most: I had potentially turned into a predator — one who preyed on people’s weaknesses for my very selfish desires/needs. In this case, I went for those who like-liked me and kept them for their bodies. That is all I wanted, all I pursued and all I thought men were good for. Their want for more value in us was irrelevant to me.
I quickly learned that I was not very good at “being bad”. I was forcing a character that was so out of character because I was hurt by someone I had allowed in and ended up being played for a fool. I did not want to experience that again so the easiest thing was to make sure I always had the upper hand in situation(ship)s.
Now, the point here isn’t for me to dwell on the nitty gritty stuff, but to say that heartbreak does a number on a person, especially when it pertains to something so deeply meaningful to them. In Aba’s case, he did not want to be shut out of his relationship, especially since his girlfriend was pregnant. His biggest fear as I understood it was being in a baby momma situation where they were separated and not a family. Having a child meant doing it the right way for the sake of the child. She did exactly what he asked her NOT TO and that hurt him deeply. For the first time, I got insight to what an abortion feels like for a man who is supportive and wanting of the child — not afraid, not ashamed and not even quiet about his feelings, but respectful of what the woman wants.
In my case, I had given a man a chance, which was not easy for me though we had the benefit of time and friendship. I wouldn’t call it sudden because it grew over years. He grew on me, he made sense to me. I am one of those unfortunate cases of sexual abuse as a child so you can probably imagine that my perception and relationship with boys and men wasn’t exactly trusting. It meant that a lot was worked and pushed through when it came to him. He was just different and I was willing to do the scary work to make it work.
We were off and on for what I can only blame on fear for years. I think we were both pretty good at sabotaging a good thing, but incapable of letting go. We were immature. I always remember my grandfather’s speech at my grandmother’s burial ceremony about “mature love” — we did not have what he described he had with my grandmother but I liked to think we could achieve it.
Fast forward and we finally seemed to align. I thought that finally, we were making our way into something mature, something brave that went through the storms. He was ready to talk about the things he usually ran from, he even initiated the conversations to much of my surprise. It wasn’t about “fun” or not going “too deep” even though it was THAT DEEP, it was about him wanting to understand love and how to love me because he loved me. He showed me a side of him that made me question whether I was dealing with the same guy because how and why?!
Don’t get me wrong, he had always been sensitive, he just avoided the sensitivity because it made him feel weak. But there he was being very vulnerable with me, without backing down, without even making his feelings and intentions less than what they were. There he was winning me back after an off time where I had got into settling on our relationship never making past a certain point.
I don’t know what your take on this is so far but contrary to what I think the sexual abuse fact may have painted in your mind, I could tell that our problem was the fear of getting too close and getting hurt because of it. I could sympathise with him, and knowing everything else, could hope because our friendship had shown me he was worth the try. He wasn’t an ass, he didn’t treat me poorly, he never used me, he was just afraid, just like I was afraid.
My presumption is that his shift was one last attempt at knowing what that life would be like with me since we had talked about it, just never been brave enough to live when the window of opportunity was ‘opportuning’. He had to come to terms with living a life he had not planned for while simultaneously letting go of the one he hoped for/dreamed about. He was a father and only told me a few days after the baby was born. I was crushed.
Following that, I wanted nothing serious to do with men. Why? You let them in and they let you down. Obviously that didn’t help the bigger male wound that I had, it was like reaggravating a healing wound by cutting it open again, with all its sensitive tissue. That’s way worse than before. That’s too much!
It’s one thing to be forced into something, you can argue and say that you never signed up for it — you had no say, you had no choice. It’s another thing to know that it is what you chose that hurt you: regret. I hated that I couldn’t hate him, and that all the tears I cried were because I loved him and he betrayed me. Everything we had turned into a lie yet I could not hate him. In my heart, in my mind, I said that no man would ever get me in that position again.
It was easy to judge Aba and label him ‘reckless’ and not what he portrays in the public sphere. Having raw sex with every woman he connected with after his ex, and fast, getting “everybody” pregnant. But, like I said, I was humbled at the speed of light(!) and reminded of what I did after a relationship with a man that hurt me deeply. How quick I was to move on to the next man, I guess to regain my dignity, power, strength…
Back to back and in rotation I went just like Aba, the only difference between us is I am a woman and I didn’t get pregnant. That’s it.
Just like that, I was SAT! The quickness, the unprotectedness, the serial mess! I lived it too.
I see that judgement only comes where there is self righteousness — where there is pride. I have been comfortable in my abstinent bubble, free of so much chaos, clear in ways I didn’t imagine possible. The danger of being in a bubble is being sheltered from the realities of the world and people, thinking they should be just like me as I am right now — stable (I have been stabilised).
The Late Pastor Voddie Baucham has a sermon on brokenness that is probably my favourite of all because I relate to it the most. We wish we could forget the things we have done that hurt us or hurt other people that we love. If we forgot though, we’d constantly make the same mistakes, we’d go back to that flame that hurt us and others. We would never learn, we would never grow. Memory preserves us.
From my understanding and learning today, this is not about punishing self. It is not about living in anxiety or depression. It is merely about reminding us that when we think we’re “better than that”, we’re not. By the grace of God we are protected, helped and guided, but we are no better than the next person. We are kept humble through our memories and furthermore, are reminded why we NEED God, why we seek Him.
Somewhere up there I talk about getting hurt and stepping onto a ‘F*** around and find out’ path again. I was ready to throw all the beautiful progress I had made away because something (which I am not ready to talk about yet) that meant so much to me, dare I say everything to me, was trampled on. I had given all I had but it was not enough and I was completely drained. Just like that, I switched into a destructive mode. That taught me that I was (still) fickle. What saved me was having God in my heart/in my ear to pull me away from what I was doing and about to do which would certainly bring me great pain (and not just me but the ones I cared about too). This is why I say, it is GRACE, it is God’s LOVE that covers these flaws and imperfections, making sure we are empowered to make the right choices. Not the better choice, not the lesser evil, but the RIGHT choice.
Being reminded about that chapter in my life made me compassionate towards Aba. It’s not about excusing bad or evil behaviour, it’s about love that covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Knowing your place, as uncomfortable as that may be, makes it possible to embrace the one who comes to or is brought to you with challenge/problem/sin, and just like God has empowered you, you are able to uplift them with love that only comes from His Holy Spirit — it is of the fruit, is it not?
[7] But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. [8] And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” [9] Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. [10] As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. [11] If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.I Peter 4:7–11 NKJV
[16] I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. [17] For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. [18] But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. [19] Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, [20] idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, [21] envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. [22] But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, [23] gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. [24] And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. [25] If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. [26] Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.Galatians 5:16–26 NKJV
[1] Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. [2] And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. [3] And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. [4] Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; [5] does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; [6] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; [7] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [8] Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. [9] For we know in part and we prophesy in part. [10] But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. [11] When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. [12] For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. [13] And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.I Corinthians 13:1–13 NKJV
[2] For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. [3] And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? [4] Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? [5] Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.Matthew 7:2–5 NKJV
[1] But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. [2] Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. [3] Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, [4] they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. [5] Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?” [6] This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. [7] So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” [8] And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. [9] Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. [10] When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” [11] She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” [12] Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”John 8:1–12 NKJV
MK. Author
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777H
23rd May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
It could be Heaven or it could be Hell. I chose Heaven and so Heaven chose me.
I woke up with a strong sense of purpose and an even stronger sense of sleep. As has become customary that one messenger I cannot ignore woke me up- a mosquito! It was a good time for me to put out what I had washed the night before to dry in hopes that they would be dry by the time I was ready to pack my bag for an impromptu trip.
I did some WordSpin dev work for about an hour after a "failed" bible study attempt, had a bowl of porridge and went back to sleep. The weather was good! Even though it had been forecast to be rainy, it was bright and hot. My things dried- YES! "A prayer answered," I thought, "Thank you Lord!" I said.
Ironing took more time than I anticipated. Such delicate material were those deras! Easily burnt, easily creased... perfect for the beach like fine linen. Looking at the time though, I had no time to be spending even more than I had spent trying to straighten every single crease. I might be a little bit OCD- blame it on the genes, blame it on the way I was raised!
Fast forward and I ranged between short waves of anxiety and calm. Overall, I had "a peace" about the day that kept me grounded- faithful. I had a sense that the day would be good and that everything would work out just fine.
OBEDIENT LIL' MISSY
Do you believe that before something very good happens, something terrible happens? It's almost as if these odds have to balance themselves out.
I was encouraged to leave at 12:30 p.m, but planned to leave at 1 p.m. Somewhere between 1 and ten past one, I ordered an uber boda (motorbike). The rider was less than a minute away, which was unusual considering where I live. In fact(!) he was at the bottom of my road, sort of like he'd been waiting there (from a deeper point of view, it felt like he was meant to be there). I knew that with Nairobi traffic and where I needed to go, a bike would be the better option for me since I didn't have much to carry.
I noticed his number plate (777H) immediately and smiled, "aligned" I thought. When we got to a stretch that I'd usually use with no problem for years (with the day before being the most recent), we were stopped and told there was no way through. The man who stopped us demanded that the man turn off his engine and that I get off. S@#&!
Obedient miss me hopped off. In the voice of Trey Songz, "time is not on our side". I thought that if it took more than five minutes to negotiate, I'd have to get someone new. Next thing I knew, the rider bolted away and I was left standing there, potentially stranded and bagless (because he had my main bag). S@#&!!
A normal person would get very emotional about this. I felt a wave of worry and anxiety come over me but worked to calm it down. How? Well, I knew panic and anger would waste my energy. Negativity eats at the soul - FEAR and ANGER eat at the soul in a way nothing else can - we lose more than we ever gain by giving them space to grow. So, I chose faith. Faith said that I'd meet him on the other side- that maybe he'd just driven to the nearest matatu (bus) stage and I would find him there. So, I walked. IT WAS HOT!
As I walked I thought about how the worst thing that could happen was not retrieving my bag, but at least I had all I needed to get on the train Mombasa. Though it would be at an extra cost, I could figure out my clothing situation at my destination. I also did what my grandfather calls a phone call to Heaven. It is an emergency dial to God, asking him for whatever you need. I asked that he put it in that man's heart to in the least not rob me, and in the best case scenario come back and take me so that I didn't miss my train. Ordering a new ride didn't look like a good idea considering the potential wait time. After my request, I tried to reach the rider two times as I neared the stage. No success, particularly because my phone was acting up. "I'll just try when I am right at the stage," I thought. Just like that, an incoming call from him came in. He told me that I could get my bag from the Total Petrol Station.
Now, I don't know whether it was my brain that had been fried by the heat or the waves of emotion that had temporarily wiped my memory (or both) but I could not visualise where he was telling me to go to find my bag. It's possible I was tired too, considering I hadn't really slept the night before. This all just sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it?!
Despite that, I still kept my cool on the call. Why? It could have been worse! He could've decided to use what was in my bag as payment, FAR MORE than what he'd make from the overall trip. Instead, he called telling me where he wanted to leave it for me to get. He also didn't sound like he expected me to pay him, although, I didn't mind tipping him for his north facing moral code.
I told him exactly where I was and he asked "how?!" and I said, "I walked. I thought that I would find you at the stage and we would continue with the trip". "Wah. Umejaribu Mama... should I.... can I come back for you?" he asked. I told him yes and that he'd find me right at the stage. "Don't worry. I am coming. Don't worry," he said.
On the ride, I wondered (awed) about what had just happened. How everything seemed to be going wrong, but how it went it right because I believed it could and would. Sure, even before that, there was a sense (call it a promise) that the day would be good.
I sang songs of worship all the way to the station, with a short battery change stop in between. At the charging station, I told him that I thought he had abandoned me and he said, "No. I can't". Later, at the train station, the rider and I had a short exchange about men like the one who stopped us, and what he had been through because of them: losing much needed money to posers. He explained that if there was a chance to escape he would (which he did)! I understood, we talked for a bit more and he blessed my trip. I gave what I promised in my heart and moved on.
Check in was chaotic given the time. "I guess everyone goes for the 3 p.m train!" I thought. It was hot, my two bags were a strain to carry and my body was tense despite my certainty in spirit. I had the patience of a monk some might say!
People were very nice to me at the station. Nice in a way that felt out of the ordinary, including an armed security officer asking if he could help me. In my experience, they usually keep off unless it's a matter of security. Now, I consider that it may just be that I looked more tired than I am leading on, LOL!
Sleep deprivation/lack of proper rest, having to quiet a storm that wanted to rise in me- stress control- walking in the heat to a destination I (if I'm being honest) was not "logically" guaranteed to find a need, only just hoping and praying. Yeah, I was QUITE TIRED, but not the kind of tire one is to regret. The reward supercedes the output, always.
My plan to be on the boarding path at 2:45 p.m was accurate. You would think that time went back by a bit to make sure this happened as I had imagined it. "A peace" I say!
On the train, I was sat next to a refreshing character who kept me chatting through the five hour, thirty minute ride. He was not only helpful, but quite generous. His energy was free of all the things that could hurt me and that was comforting considering how the world can be: Draining. But then again, it could be Heaven or it could be Hell, I chose Heaven, so Heaven chose me.
What I had planned for the train ride was WordSpin, writing and sleep. What I got? Inspiration, connection and food (and so here I am with a lil' chicken nugget for you to chew on, lol!).
The moral of the story is BELIEVE IN GO(O)D THINGS and go(o)d things will come to you no matter what your situation is. Since I believe in one who created all good things, my faith was in Him and what He said. It always starts with a promise then we have to meet Him halfway by faith and obedience.
It's always easier when you're not the one carrying everything on your own. When you know there is a higher power, one who is not vindictive- looking for mistakes, but loving - looking out for you, then life becomes more abundant because you draw water from a well that never runs out. You never have to worry or overthink, you just have to hand it over and the rest will be done for you. Even those wounds and scars that you have, they become marks of beauty because of what you gain from them. Yes, even those painful lessons are valuable, especially because knowing the other side, the badness it can bring, makes you appreciate the side that takes and keeps the badness away. It can either affirm your faith or your fear - it's all a matter of perspective and I highly recommend FAITH!
PS My "failed" Bible study became a lived practical on how living the faith works. So, it was not a failed Bible study at all!
MK. Author
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26th May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
When I was twelve years old my grandfather signed me up for bible camp. I was very upset with him because it was a teens camp and I was not a teen. Furthermore, I didn't want to be lonely and I thought I would be because of it. I didn't want more isolation.
I was the baby of the camp and that came with perks. Even though it came with perks, I didn't like being "awwwed" at all the time because it made me feel awkward and unappreciated for the depth I carried.
It so happened that two girls who knew me from school were at the camp. They were from the highschool section of my boarding school. They spoke highly of me and my knowledge on phones and music. They thought I was quite mature and liked hearing my take on things. I felt respected by them.
During a morning group discussion/fellowship a question was asked, "What do you think about?". Everyone in my group expressed some form of ambition and anxiety attached to it: future — exams, success, university, career path, marriage, success. I wondered how hard those determiner exams were considering the way they spoke. I also thought about how far my mind was from them and considered lying to fall in line.
When it got to my turn, on came the awwws, googly eyes and "do you think about cartoons and playing?" Haha, that was cute and I wished!
"I think about death". I didn't lie, I couldn't lie! There was a loud silence in their pause and then a question about whether it was suicidal. I said no and then explained.
What if the sky is glass? What if it breaks one day and it rains glass? How do we hide? Where do we hide? Some people will have shade while others will not, but eventually the broken glass will hurt them because they will have to walk on it. What about the people in the open? What a bloody and painful death that would be. What if the ground split open and I fell in a crack, no matter how much I tried to avoid the cracks. Or what if my legs were on either side of splitting earth and it split me in half? What is beyond death? Is it just darkness? Blankness? Is there really a "better place"? They were speechless.
These are the things I'd think about at twelve. I'd visualise a yellow chick doing its best to survive in a shower of glass shards and open earth — somehow able to miss imminent death. But where was this chick running to? To who even? Why was it even running considering that there was nothing to live for (yet?) Where was it safe? Why was its will to survive so strong? There was nobody to save her but she wished she could save others she'd watch get cut and swallowed.
I was then asked why. Why were my thoughts so dark and deep? They were interesting (even entertaining) to listen to but VERY CONCERNING. As I write this I see the story-worthiness in this and see why they were hooked.
I then talked about how I didn't know what I would do if my grandparents died. They were old. Where would I go? What would I do? Who would I have? I depended on them. Things were complicated for me in ways I was not willing to get into (or even "allowed to"), but I did express that my grandmother had cancer. I wished it would go away, but it wasn't that simple. I wished I could save her but it just didn't work like that. I didn't like her low and slow days, I didn't like the ones where she was in pain — I wished I could take it all away. The same went for my mother who was not well in an incurable way.
What I see now is I was worried and anxious about the things that were not in my control, especially as they related to disease and death, to loved ones and losing them, to what I would have left if they left which was inevitable. I also questioned my drive because somehow, something kept me going. I recounted the story of my birth as it was told to me, how I beat all odds and continued to. The reason? I did not know. But, death and I were tied in an extraordinary way, and now that I look at it, the real relationship might be with LIFE. The duality of nature: there can be no good without bad, no life without death, no sweet without sour, no salty without bland, URGH!
I was still a baby, I knew that, and that's probably why I'd always see a chick running. It is like how when a person is anxious they dream about being chased by something. Mine were not dreams but thoughts — "imaginations" I had with my eyes wide open, looking at the world around me.
These gory images that I saw reflected how much it affected me. I also expressed how I didn't like how people didn't seem to take me seriously, and how I was often dismissed for having a wild imagination. I admitted I wanted to lie when my turn came but because I would be there for a few days, I thought why not?! "I won't have to see them again so they can get every single detail of what runs through my mind..." I may have even admitted that I tried to end it all for myself but to no success. I had to accept that there was no dying for me (which is a wild thing to say). Not in such a way and not soon. It was as if life wanted me alive.
That ended up getting me a lot of attention — I MEAN A LOT. Some wanted to comfort me while most wanted to hear more from me because they liked what I had to say. Today, I can confidently say they were attracted to my dark philosophy and wanted to hear more about it. It was strange, but I just rolled with it because it felt good to be accepted and listened to. I became the old woman in a young body that they would sit around to hear from for hours.
Back then, I was far more talkative than I am now. I wasn't as caring of the things I would say — I didn't see the point of lying though I could hide things in metaphors and be honest about raw details being too personal to get into. I eventually grew into filtering myself so much that writing became that one place where it could all come out without obstruction. I am now better expressed in written word than I am in spoken word, unless it is previously written for me to have a safe path to follow. In some way, WordSpin is my solace and I am just now realising that!
I was taught to worry about the child my words were not appropriate for, or the adult my words would be too much for — causing an uncomfortable feeling in them and judgement on the ones raising me. It was almost always inappropriate.
Now, I am unhappy that when I speak the filtering happens in real time. I struggle to get my points across as coherently as say twelve year old me would verbally. Writing ended up taking over for verbal loss because it was the only way I could express these things without hurdles and walls.
I was surprised the other day reading through my old diaries from that timeline how my coping mechanism had a coping mechanism. If I wasn't as self aware, even in the throws of it, I would be very split now. If there is something a reader should pick from this, it is that children should not be ignored or even forced into uniformity. Their uniqueness should be embraced lest they go through whatever crisis I had to go through for years that I am just now working (though not alone) to emerge from.
Don't get me wrong, I can speak. I am just far too calculated that it exhausts me. So, I'd rather not try! I wonder what the process is for someone like me wanting to reverse this — not looking to lose the writing skill, but nurture the neglected tongue that was made to speak from an abundant heart and mind.
MK. Author
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Mama Was Right
27th May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceAll Ages
Are umber and henna the same thing? Wait, no! They cannot be because a henna lady told me it comes from a plant. Umber is described as coming from the earth. One might argue that plants come from the earth and get off on a technicality, HA!
There are no wrong answers in this game — what came to mind first is what matters. "Umber" triggers the memory of a professional henna artist who grew to like me enough to give me what I wanted for free because I loved it so much.
The thing about it was that come Nairobi time, I'd be scrubbing my skin until it was visibly pink-red, lighter than the rest of me and swollen because it showing in school could get me in big trouble. For context, I am a dark skinned woman, to get to this extent meant I did the most! This may be why my aunt didn't like paying for it and eventually refused altogether — she must have known it wasn't worth it because of what I'd do to myself to get it off when school was opening and the henna was still quite fresh looking. If not that, it would generally be a waste of money because I wouldn't even enjoy it for long. But WOW! Can you imagine what I had to do to get henna off my skin in a matter of days?! The kind of henna that's chemically infused making it last for even a month? That kind of henna?!
I learned to start the process early after the first few times. The pain taught me to do things in intervals rather than at one go. This way, I wouldn't literally be forcing off parts of my skin to go with the pigment, and nursing it with vaseline that would melt because of the heat emanating from the scrubbed and extra sensitive area, jumping at every touch.
It's funny writing this because it turns out that I'd never learn! On one end I wanted to always see what was on me while on the other that meant the world could see it too. What mattered more though, was that I got the pretty art when I could because where in Nairobi could I sit by the beach while I got drawn on? NOWHERE!
Going back a few years, there was a tattoo parlour not so far from where we lived. I begged what feels like almost every day to be taken there. I didn't know what I wanted, but I wanted A TATTOO! We lived in Maryland at the time so to find a sleeved person was not rare compared to Kenya where this was not a thing, and still isn't. I liked the patterns and the colours, all I saw was art and I'm an artsy babe — that much has not changed! I was a six year old obsessed with tattoos and I didn't want to hear the excuses!
My mother asked me if I had ever seen a child with a tattoo and I said no but I could be the first! Don't limit the opportunity now! She asked me what would happen if I regretted what I got? Tattoos were permanent. Obviously, I didn't care. The henna story should tell you exactly how I would have behaved come regret, LOL! I'm not even going to give you the satisfaction of admitting that she was right! 👀
"It's illegal to let you do it, you're a child, you have to be at least 16 but here the age limit is 18." She also told me that my skin and their skin was different so it probably wouldn't look as nice and I wouldn't want it anymore. Blah Blah Blah like that Ke$ha song. They were all excuses to me therefore I remained insistent. So insistent that I imagine they avoided the tattoo parlour route whenever we were together because I would start demanding and begging to be taken in for one.
There was a boy in my class who I liked. He got fire on his arm 🔥. No, it was not a real tattoo, it was one of those stick-ons and I had never heard of that! It matched the gym teacher's tattoo (who I also liked). He got a pat on his back for it from him and boy was I jealous — attention starved and fueled! Again, my parents heard from me. Crush fuel is even more intense because it has to do with wanting validation from the ones your eyes are starry for. On one end my tattoo love was affirmed and on another, I had an in to be noticed for something other than being black and from Africa.
One day, when in view of the parlour, I started. My mum said, "Fine. Let's see what they say about how old you need to be to get one..." This came after I had thrown quite the tantrum on the street. I'm starting to think I may have been a little bit bratty! Inside, there were lovely examples of what I could get on the wall and a woman at a desk. I thought, "this is it."
"Can you please tell her how old she needs to be to get a tattoo?" "18," the lady said, "How old are you sweetie?" "6" I said. "Aw, yeah, we can't do that. But when you're 18, you can come and get one." "But that's too far away..." I said with a broken heart. I can't remember the rest of the interaction because I was in my sad sad feelings about it. I was probably crying. Later, I resolved to that being my 18th birthday present. 16th if I was in a state that allowed it!
Today, I have no interest in tattoos and one would never know it was THAT deep for me. It is probably for the best because I'd probably end up looking like Wiz Khalifa if I started early. I'd be a walking canvas and it probably wouldn't look as good as I imagined it would. I'd take my skin through it to correct my in the heat of the moment decisions. Yeah, my Mama was right!
Shortly after my mother's death, I agreed to a double date. For me, it was blind. The one I was set up with knew as much about me as I knew about him so it wasn't just me who didn't know what to expect!
On first sight, I thought he was short (because he was shorter than me) but I did not let that deter me from the point of the day which was to catch up with old friends and get to know a guy they thought I would mesh well with. The selling point was his maturity. As much as it was mentioned I don't think it was sold enough!
At some point during that date, when we were both drunk and emotional (in a good way!), he told me that he was a boring person. I did not believe him because the day had gone so well and there was nothing boring about him to me. Nothing! I thought he was cute, I liked how calm he was in his speech, I liked how much of a relationship person he was — not a hoe (excuse my french but I am being drunk blunt for the sake of the scene) but a lover of love: a LOVER! Just the way he held me and talked about his past relationship with such love and longing got me. For many, that might be a red flag because people expect the ones they are with to forget things that meant so much to them, to even behave like it never existed for their sake. I find that to be a selfish assault on their soul. If matters were recent why treat the person like they were not a person? If matters were impactful, why act like they weren't? There is and must be a much gentler approach. There has to be! Avoidance never helps, acceptance on the other hand? BINGO!!! These two can exist: A past that teaches and a present to live & learn.
I believe one can learn a lot about a person from not only where they came from, but how they showed up when they were there. We learn their strengths and their weaknesses. Relationships are intimate. Relationships reveal vulnerable aspects about ourselves. Often, the story holds the answers and depending on your perspective, you can either be open and hopeful, or closed and pessimistic. Of course, this is why we're urged to get to know a person before we get with them. KNOW. Not create, KNOW! From that knowing, grow. Guard your heart while you water it.
He was a sensitive guy and what can I say? Sensitivity turns me on? Ha! I found this to be his most attractive trait — his ability to express his pain and joy without withholding or expecting anything in return. He was not transactional in a world that tells you if you do this as a man then she will do this or should do that. He was not out to get something from me, he was just comfortable in the moment and I could feel it. It was like sitting in perfect distance from a fire on a cold day with a warm cup of cocoa — consoling. I like that, it makes me warm inside.
In hindsight, alcohol turns introverts into extroverts and extroverts into introverts, LOL! I also think though, it reveals aspects of ourselves to a more amplified degree — it's not apart from us, it is within us. It is not new, it is just revealed and exaggerated although sometimes I also think it can show the true magnitude of what is within a person, for example, the anger they hold or their inclination to anger, the pain they hold and so much more. For me, after my mother died, my drunkenness turned me into a well spoken unapologetic philosopher who always talked about the consequence of action and inaction in various ways. I now think it is because I was grieving that which I did and didn't do while she was alive — her death brought me great regret. I had so much pain attached to her in life as I did in death. Do you see what I am saying?
Back to the story... He was in fact boring! SIGH. The things I said about him did not change, it's his talking that did, and I liked to talk with him! I liked an active back and forth. Just these stories should tell you I often have a lot to say, especially if I am comfortable with you. It doesn't mean it is all the time because I enjoy silence too and may just want to sit there in silence with one's company, or be left alone for a while.
I desired more from him and I knew it was in there somewhere, he just needed to be guided to it somehow. Necessity is the mother of invention they say. Just like that, a game I'd play verbally became physical and even got a name which later evolved to this (WordSpin). Even though I guided it, I made sure he knew how important his power of choice was so that he did not feel cornered or even overthink. It was a free space, a fun space. For the first time (with zero alcohol, oops!) we literally ran out of time playing! That day was one of my greatest highlights in dating because of watching him open up without the blockage when sober, and without the need of alcohol to lift the blockage. I suspected though, that I may have intimidated him with the way I expressed myself and had to bring it down to give him room to come up. It was never my intention to overwhelm him though I can just be a little extra when I am in the zone.
Okay, so! All this came up because of what again? Oh yeah, inscription! During one date, before the game date, he came up with the fun idea of inscribing our experience of the day on a wine glass we'd gone through and sharing custody of it like it was a pet or a child. He came armed with a glass cutter even so he was a man with a plan! Very romantic. I think he may have even joked about burying it like a time capsule so that one day we'd come back to it and remember that day. Haha, like I said, he was a sensitive guy and I was SUUUPPEERRR into it!
MK. Author
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Northern Light
21st January, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceAll Ages
Whenever she tries, I do not flinch. To her, I am an enigma, one with slow reflexes and no survival instinct.
I say I have trust. Trust that the arm and leg that fling at me won't actually touch me.
"You wouldn't hurt me, would you?"
"You never know..."
"But I do. I know that you wouldn't."
"How could you be so sure?"
"I just am."
It is this belief that leaves a strange wonder in her about me.
"You're like the Aurora Borealis,"
Seldom known. Selcouth.
If I were a compass, one untampered, I'd always point North. North is up. North is the center. North is where we all should face. North is where we all should go.
Yes, I know that many live in the south, and were forced to stay in the south. Familiar territory is far more comfortable than the unknown. But oh, if she could only look up! Look up my Dear!
Look up at the beautiful network of colours in the sky. Look at how they motion in perfect yet inconceivable harmony. How? Why? When even did they come to be!? What are they? What do they mean?
Despite how unbelievable they are, do we not perceive them as good? As AWE-FULL in the most positive of ways? Even the most miserable of miserables cannot deny this beautiful spectacle, one that inspires dreams and is much like a dream.
They are like the mirage of a cold desert; one made of snow. Characteristic of slow, even dull and painful times. Yet, the people can always look up and see something that exists nowhere else but there, and have powerful feelings evoked in them.
In the same way, they might be so used to it they do not see what outsiders can see, are not inspired the way outsiders are inspired. They do not see the light within their territory as strong, outstanding and beautiful as it is. Do not take it as the sign that it is. Do not take it as the miracle that it is.
God can make anything beautiful. God made no mistake. Even our limitation is not a mistake. It is as though there is a fail safe in every single thing, to revert it to a state of safety; beauty and wonder. And if we cannot see, somebody or something will help us see. Will help use this in a Northern Light Way.
MK. Author
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Beyond
28th May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
Guka — Grandpa
Guka: I always like seeing you bright in the morning.
Me: Am I bright?
Him: (delighted, warm) Yaaa!
The irony here is that I woke up only to cry about him because I had a dream about his sunset. In it he said, "you know what's happening, right?" and I said yes. He got into his bed and the transition began.
I like to think that God gave me IN-SIGHT because he knew that without it I would be devastated. Like with my mother before him, I am given time to grieve while he still breathes so that come the time, I am not weighed down by the weight of the shock and pain that comes with the death of a loved one. Unlike my mother's case, I will not distance myself from him — I will not allow unfinished business.
My mother's was a vision, not a dream. I was awake and sat at the edge of my bed listening to music. Next thing I knew, there was an image of a casket lowering into the ground and my thinking was "what will I say about her?". I hated my mind for that but felt it to be true and knew who it was about. It also marked the beginning of the painful process of what I can only describe as her soul separating from mine. This is a story for another day though, her's should not share the stage.
I feel obligated to say that this is a rewrite of what I originally wrote. I did not like the format. Unfortunately, I never recorded the date of the dream before editing the note meaning the date information at the beginning of this page is wrong. The month is correct.
I write this with the hope that it resonates with and encourages somebody out there. Mementomori: death is inevitable. BUT(!) there is life after it.
Having the advantage of a recently posted story inspired by the word thanatopsis, which means a contemplation of death, I have content to piggy back on.
What if the sky is glass? What if it breaks one day and it rains glass? How do we hide? Where do we hide? Some people will have shade while others will not, but eventually the broken glass will hurt them because they will have to walk on it. What about the people in the open? What a bloody and painful death that would be. What if the ground split open and I fell in a crack, no matter how much I tried to avoid the cracks. Or what if my legs were on either side of splitting earth and it split me in half? What is beyond death? Is it just darkness? Blankness? Is there really a better place?
BEYOND
"What is beyond death? Is it just darkness? Blankness? Is there really a better place?"
Back then I was bleak. I do not remember thinking there was life after death because how could I believe in life if all that was before me was ghastly and deathly? I think of the headless horseman from 'Sleepy Hollow'. I asked if there really was a better place after death because living in a Christian household meant the knowledge of Heaven and Hell. Hell was a place you'd never want to be and Heaven was where you aimed to be. I had no ambitions, just depressive episodes and anxieties that were often dismissed as phases that would quickly pass. The thing is, I was a sensitive child and just how much was not appreciated. I was a sensitive child carrying weight I wasn't supposed to and I had to learn how to keep it together for the sake of image and normalcy.
In the USA, where things were not as corrupted for me, I had a friend. Her name was Malaika. She looked like me but with hair (I had a shaved head) and was about the same age as me. We shared wonderful moments together: always on some sort of adventure on my Uncle's farm or meeting each other in the school hallways. Fast forward to 2025 and I have a discussion with my (step)dad about my happy experiences in Frederick and wherever else we travelled to in Maryland like a popular aquarium in Baltimore. I recounted how I touched a stingray which neither he nor my mother believed at the time because that would mean I was stung! But no, I was not because one could touch the head of it, not the tail/sting and come out just fine! I recalled the best tasting ice-cream ever that to this day I think about from time to time. I remembered my favourite kind of candy; candy corn and carving out pumpkin heads for Halloween and my time as Batman during that season, keeping the streets safe, LOL! We talked about many wonderful things that refreshed me! What surprised him was my accuracy in the memory of these things considering how young I was.
I ended up bringing up how much I enjoyed Malaika and he replied, "OMG, you're having more PTSD. Malaika was your beautiful sister." More PTSD.... What was he talking about?
Prior to throwing back to happier times in my life, the topic was my sleepless nights and how they related to the abuse that I went through. Opening the box that contained memories of it caused my body to react as I would back then. I stayed awake for my safety when the man was around because I had found out he liked to touch me in my sleep. Ever since, sleep was scarce for me in that home. What my brain could not remember and bring to the forefront, my body could. I had been triggered, therefore I could not sleep for weeks. It was a discussion with somebody else very close to me that opened the reason why to me. The happy talk was a pallet cleanser for me and soon after, I was able to sleep — TO REALLY SLEEP.
Look, I don't want to focus on the sad things but it is good for you to know that there are bad things — evil things that I had to carry on my own for a very long time in secret. The bleakness was warranted. Disease and progressive conditions that lessen life quality and expectancy were a personal but open matter. Sexual violation, especially within a family, that was HUSH HUSH.
My sister died when she was a few days old. It's tempting to say that I barely even knew her. Based on what I just shared though, I did! We were the closest! This was before the move to Kenya and before the secret drama that engulfed my life. How can one explain my knowing her name yet I had never been told about her existence? Why did I know her soooo well? Why could I see her? Why could she see me? HOOOOWW?? So many questions that many may want to scientifically dissect to give an explanation when obviously it was a spiritual experience. We don't always have to be able to explain the mechanics of these things to prove whether they are real or not — just the feeling is enough, just the experience is enough.
Here is the theory that I shared with someone dear to me: God can and will never let his children suffer. My experience with Malaika could have been so that I did not have to suffer the emptiness and grief of something missing in my life that I could not explain — a gap that could not be filled, a void that was seemingly endless. Again, just because we do not have the language to give answers does not mean the inexistence of that which is felt. Labels I fear, have ruined our ability to fully enjoy and experience life. For those who believe we are spiritual beings in physical bodies, you may relate! The way I see it now, it would have caused me more pain than I have known in my lifetime.
I liken this to the account of Abel's murder. God said to Cain that he could hear Abel's blood crying out to him from the earth. Malaika was not murdered, she just didn't survive because we were born premature. If you know anything about bonding, you know that people who have been through the most traumatic experiences together (or similar traumas apart) have a bond unlike any other. What about those who shared a womb and an uncertainty of life? What do they say to each other in spirit? How do they communicate? How do they hold each other up? Maybe they don't understand what's happening around them but they recognise energy: that which feels good and that which feels bad. You don't have to look far, just think about that one time you noticed a child uncomfortable around a person or place, only for it to be revealed that there was indeed a problem! Kids are often sensitive to these things especially in their very young states.
When I met the man who later turned into my abuser, I felt an icy cold in the room that he was in. I also felt like my gut was turning inwards the closer I stepped to him — like a tightening recoil and fold. There was also a scent, not one I know how to describe, but definitely nothing manufactured by man (perfume) or produced by the body. I shivered yet it was Kenya's summertime: HOT HOT HOT! Oh how right that sense about him was from the jump! I wanted to be away, but was pulled in.
Fix your eyes on me — fix your soul with mine and we will be fine.
I can't say I remember what we went through in our Mama's womb and even what we knew about our Mama. I think Malaika needed me as much as I needed her though. Even in physical separation, she seemed not to know she was "not there" whenever we were together. We were mirroring. Believe me, it was the most regular interaction between two kids which is why it passed as tangible for me. I have this one memory where I went to what I knew her grade to be to ask for her because I wanted to ask her something. The teacher wondered whether I had the wrong grade because there was no Malaika in her class. She asked me for another name, saying that maybe I used a nickname. I didn't have another name. I just said I knew her as Malaika and that was her real name! She apologised and said I probably had the wrong class. I walked away quite puzzled about this, sad even but not burdened. I wondered if maybe she had been moved or was just absent because that sort of thing happened due to sick days! I hoped she was okay and decided to wait for her to come back. The next time I remember seeing her was on my Uncle's farm, which was an exciting reunion for us both. I've gotta say, that farm was special! 🤩
My Mama talked about feeling Malaika's presence after her death. This came years later, when I decided based on her good mood, to ask her about my sister. Psychology says it is a phantom child but I say it was Malaika. We both experienced her and I wish I heard more about hers while she was around. I think what clouds us as adults is the negative energy we collect along the way. It is so much so that what we see is not as clear as what a young child would see, hear or feel. Simply put, our airwaves get clogged. Regardless, I truly believe we have the capacity to experience these spiritual things.
Matthew 18:2-5 NKJV [2] Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, [3] and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. [4] Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. [5] Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.
That said, I have written about feeling Mama's soul being pulled away from me. It put me through excruciating pain for months. I was certain it would kill me. I later learned that I was experiencing what she was experiencing. When it suddenly stopped, I knew she was gone. By the same token, I believe that God gave Malaika and I a chance to experience each other in a place and way free of pain because our beginning was chaotic and we were innocent. No tears, no anxiety.... NADA! Just memories built on a secure foundation founded on love. I remember her and she remembers me — I have no pain attached to these memories, just a fondness of a beautiful friend — my sister, an Angel, who made my life better and who I believe I made glad too. I am certain that when we meet again we'll pick it up like it was never left off!
Continue → Mementomori II: Ancestors
MK. Author
PS Malaika means Angel.
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Ancestors
28th May, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
Guka — Grandpa NPC — Non-playable character (a character in a video game controlled by the computer, not the player)
29 And they said to each other, What is this thing that God has done to us in the road? and they knew not that this befell them on account of Joseph. And the men proceeded on the road, and they passed along the road of Ephrath where Rachel was buried. 30 And Joseph reached his mother's grave, and Joseph hastened and ran to his mother's grave, and fell upon the grave and wept. 31 And Joseph cried aloud upon his mother's grave, and he said, O my mother, my mother, O thou who didst give me birth, awake now, and rise and see thy son, how he has been sold for a slave, and no one to pity him. 32 O rise and see thy son, weep with me on account of my troubles, and see the heart of my brethren. 33 Arouse my mother, arouse, awake from thy sleep for me, and direct thy battles against my brethren. O how have they stripped me of my coat, and sold me already twice for a slave, and separated me from my father, and there is no one to pity me. 34 Arouse and lay thy cause against them before God, and see whom God will justify in the judgment, and whom he will condemn. 35 Rise, O my mother, rise, awake from thy sleep and see my father how his soul is with me this day, and comfort him and ease his heart. 36 And Joseph continued to speak these words, and Joseph cried aloud and wept bitterly upon his mother's grave; and he ceased speaking, and from bitterness of heart he became still as a stone upon the grave. 37 And Joseph heard a voice speaking to him from beneath the ground, which answered him with bitterness of heart, and with a voice of weeping and praying in these words: 38 My son, my son Joseph, I have heard the voice of thy weeping and the voice of thy lamentation; I have seen thy tears; I know thy troubles, my son, and it grieves me for thy sake, and abundant grief is added to my grief. 39 Now therefore my son, Joseph my son, hope to the Lord, and wait for him and do not fear, for the Lord is with thee, he will deliver thee from all trouble. 40 Rise my son, go down unto Egypt with thy masters, and do not fear, for the Lord is with thee, my son. And she continued to speak like unto these words unto Joseph, and she was still. 41 And Joseph heard this, and he wondered greatly at this, and he continued to weep; and after this one of the Ishmaelites observed him crying and weeping upon the grave, and his anger was kindled against him, and he drove him from there, and he smote him and cursed him.
My dream, the one that started this, featured the hand of my dead grandmother holding mine as I wept about my grandfather and prayed to God to receive him in all gentleness. This is eerie: the image of a body covered by a white cloth, still but somehow moving, reaching out to give comfort.
Her days in the hospital were difficult for me because I was not allowed to be with her. They wanted me to focus on my schoolwork and getting good grades but that was impossible for me given how my heart was with her even from afar. When she died, regret and anger became my day to day. I was convinced that being with her was far better than being away from her and was angry at the people around me for not considering that. I was sure I would survive but it just now occurs to me that she might have not wanted me to see her like that, and to be left with such a poor image of her. My grandmother took great pride in her looks! She took even greater pride in her family and I am sure that hurting them was not something she wanted to do if she thought it would.
There was something that I wanted her to know and it was that I loved her. If I could not say it, I hoped my presence would. Company speaks magnitudes. These things, I was denied. I cannot remember how long after her death I had a dream about her. In it, we picked her up from the hospital and she stood tall and vibrant. Her bag was put in the boot of the car and off we drove.
I was confused because I knew she was dead. I might have even asked her what she was doing with us but she was silent. Mostly, I remember being quiet in the backseat of the volvo staring at her, processing what was happening. As I stared at her, she stared at Guka with gladness and love in her eyes. The way outside was not clear but I could tell where we were going and started to adapt to the idea of us being a family again. This time, it wouldn't be with worry, anxiety and fear for her life because clearly, SHE WAS HEALED.
Once we got home and out of the car, I could not take my eyes off of her. I remember telling her that she looked good and she thanked me. She was even taller than me! I was happy that we had a fresh start together, excited that we were home TOGETHER. When it came time to enter the house, I could not go past the first step of the staircase that led to our front door. There was an invisible force preventing me from going past that point. That is when I noticed that Guka was frozen. Like an NPC in a game, he had played his part. I panicked and did my best to make him move, to make him see, to make him try because we had to go into the house TOGETHER. We couldn't lose her, not again.
By the time this was happening, she was already at the top of the staircase and had opened the front door to reveal a warm bright light. She looked at me, so tender in the eyes and said, "I am home now". The tears I cried when I woke up were a release of the negative energy I had to do with to her. From then on, I was at peace. What I wanted her to know, she knew. What I needed to know was made known to me. On top of that, for the first time, I knew there was a Heaven and that she was there. I was also certain that she remembered us and loved us in a way only God knows.
Why is this relevant? What is the connection between my story and Joseph's story? In the dream about my grandfather's transition, I broke down during a prayer. As this happened, she appeared on her side of their bed. The image though unsettling was not my focus nor was it even in my focus ability. Her hand which was uncovered and reaching out to mine was. My right hand held his while my left hand was held by hers. Gone in body for many years but there in spirit to give support during a major life event. There was no sense of negativity, just comfort and togetherness. I knew where my dear Guka was going, and it was good to know that I was not alone. Together in Spirit.
My prayer life was upgraded when I put this into practice. During a critical time when I was at a crossroads, I was told that I could pray to God, reminding him of the ones before me who honoured him and ask that their promise and prayers for my bloodline be activated through me. In that realm, these prayers and memories remain, there is no expiry even if it was 500 years ago. Nothing is unaccounted for, nothing is forgotten, and often, it just needs prompting. That is what I understood from my Uncle's words.
We find ourselves burdened with generational curses but somehow forget generational blessings that assist in breaking these barriers. If we look at the promises given to Abraham and arrange the order from descending to ascending, the prayers of descendants would be about remembering what God promised their blessed forefather Abraham, asking that God consider said word during whatever they are seeking. They would also remind God of what He did for their forefather and the actions of their forefather — those of faith and works of faith (obedience) to further strengthen their case. There is power in promise, there is power in a good name, there is power in memory and there is MOST OF ALL power in the word of God. God is not unfaithful. Often, we do not thrive because we do not know!
1 And in the fifty-ninth year of the life of Isaac the son of Abraham, Rebecca his wife was still barren in those days. 2 And Rebecca said unto Isaac, Truly I have heard, my lord, that thy mother Sarah was barren in her days until my Lord Abraham, thy father, prayed for her and she conceived by him. 3 Now therefore stand up, pray thou also to God and he will hear thy prayer and remember us through his mercies. 4 And Isaac answered his wife Rebecca, saying, Abraham has already prayed for me to God to multiply his seed, now therefore this barrenness must proceed to us from thee. 5 And Rebecca said unto him, But arise now thou also and pray, that the Lord may hear thy prayer and grant me children, and Isaac hearkened to the words of his wife, and Isaac and his wife rose up and went to the land of Moriah to pray there and to seek the Lord, and when they had reached that place Isaac stood up and prayed to the Lord on account of his wife because she was barren. 6 And Isaac said, O Lord God of heaven and earth, whose goodness and mercies fill the earth, thou who didst take my father from his father's house and from his birthplace, and didst bring him unto this land, and didst say unto him, To thy seed will I give the land, and thou didst promise him and didst declare unto him, I will multiply thy seed as the stars of heaven and as the sand of the sea, now may thy words be verified which thou didst speak unto my father. 7 For thou art the Lord our God, our eyes are toward thee to give us seed of men, as thou didst promise us, for thou art the Lord our God and our eyes are directed toward thee only. 8 And the Lord heard the prayer of Isaac the son of Abraham, and the Lord was entreated of him and Rebecca his wife conceived. 9 And in about seven months after the children struggled together within her, and it pained her greatly that she was wearied on account of them, and she said to all the women who were then in the land, Did such a thing happen to you as it has to me? and they said unto her, No. 10 And she said unto them, Why am I alone in this amongst all the women that were upon earth? and she went to the land of Moriah to seek the Lord on account of this; and she went to Shem and Eber his son to make inquiries of them in this matter, and that they should seek the Lord in this thing respecting her. 11 And she also asked Abraham to seek and inquire of the Lord about all that had befallen her. 12 And they all inquired of the Lord concerning this matter, and they brought her word from the Lord and told her, Two children are in thy womb, and two nations shall rise from them; and one nation shall be stronger than the other, and the greater shall serve the younger.
14 And when the officers of the king beheld Sarai they were struck with admiration at her beauty, and all the princes and servants of Pharaoh assembled to see Sarai, for she was very beautiful. And the king's officers ran and told Pharaoh all that they had seen, and they praised Sarai to the king; and Pharaoh ordered her to be brought, and the woman came before the king. 15 And Pharaoh beheld Sarai and she pleased him exceedingly, and he was struck with her beauty, and the king rejoiced greatly on her account, and made presents to those who brought him the tidings concerning her. 16 And the woman was then brought to Pharaoh's house, and Abram grieved on account of his wife, and he prayed to the Lord to deliver her from the hands of Pharaoh. 17 And Sarai also prayed at that time and said, O Lord God thou didst tell my Lord Abram to go from his land and from his father's house to the land of Canaan, and thou didst promise to do well with him if he would perform thy commands; now behold we have done that which thou didst command us, and we left our land and our families, and we went to a strange land and to a people whom we have not known before. 18 And we came to this land to avoid the famine, and this evil accident has befallen me; now therefore, O Lord God, deliver us and save us from the hand of this oppressor, and do well with me for the sake of thy mercy. 19 And the Lord hearkened to the voice of Sarai, and the Lord sent an angel to deliver Sarai from the power of Pharaoh.
15 And when he heard the words of his brother which he had spoken to the messengers of Jacob, Jacob was greatly afraid and he was distressed. 16 And Jacob prayed to the Lord his God, and he said, O Lord God of my fathers, Abraham and Isaac, thou didst say unto me when I went away from my father's house, saying, 17 I am the Lord God of thy father Abraham and the God of Isaac, unto thee do I give this land and thy seed after thee, and I will make thy seed as the stars of heaven, and thou shalt spread forth to the four sides of heaven, and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed. 18 And thou didst establish thy words, and didst give unto me riches and children and cattle, as the utmost wishes of my heart didst thou give unto thy servant; thou didst give unto me all that I asked from thee, so that I lacked nothing. 19 And thou didst afterward say unto me, Return to thy parents and to thy birth place and I will still do well with thee. 20 And now that I have come, and thou didst deliver me from Laban, I shall fall in the hands of Esau who will slay me, yea, together with the mothers of my children. 21 Now therefore, O Lord God, deliver me, I pray thee, also from the hands of my brother Esau, for I am greatly afraid of him. 22 And if there is no righteousness in me, do it for the sake of Abraham and my father Isaac. 23 For I know that through kindness and mercy have I acquired this wealth; now therefore I beseech thee to deliver me this day with thy kindness and to answer me.
What I like about Jasher, a hidden book which many people do not know about though it is quoted in main scripture, is how detailed it is. I am and will probably always be a context person. Context means give me more than just a summary — give me the full story because I get answers through stories, I gain perspective and from perspective, I gain understanding! Tell it to me as it is and as it was.
On an even deeper level, the humanisation of people makes the grace of God much more pronounced. It even teaches what grace means, and what God's role in our lives is! It teaches what our role is: what submission means, what faith means, what obedience means.
We believe and are maybe even taught the Old Testament God and the New Testament God are different because of all the violence in times of old making Him look cruel and vindictive, but reading Jasher showed me that they are not different and that is why context of the times matters! He is the same now as He was then. I learn about His nature and that of the supernatural. How all these things come together and co-exist. Jasher taught me that even the greatest in the Old Testament were people with people problems who chose God and so He empowered them.
Abram, before his name change, was not just RANDOMLY called by God, instructed to leave his land and given a promise. He went through a phase where he SOUGHT God. He wanted to know WHAT God was until what turned into WHO God was. God revealed Himself to him. Does this not back up what is written in the New Testament about about seeking and finding? Knocking and the door being opened? Asking and receiving? Seeking the Kingdom of God first and then all else being added? Abram felt there was more than just bowing to the moon, or the sun, or the stars and the idols that his father worshipped. The man actually did have faith and for it he received goodness in great abundance. He was however VERY human and reading Jasher showed me by just how much!
No more than one and a half years after my Uncle's advice did I find backing in his words about using the names (and memories) of believing ancestors in my bloodline for the sake of my prayers to God for Him to remember and consider in my life for application. It feels like an unfair advantage but I hope it encourages you to be the "unfair" advantage your great great great grandchildren have when your prayers for them are remembered and answered in the Lord's faithfulness. The same way you think about and work towards generational wealth to make sure your children and their children onwards are secure, think of their spiritual needs and aid. Put that into prayer. Secure your people — speak miracle and blessing upon their lives.
[7] But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. [8] And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins."
JESUS THE ANCESTOR
Please though, do not get me wrong! The finished work on the cross is enough for you! His name is enough for you. His blood is enough for you! DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT! To quote a part of Jacob's prayer to God where he quotes the words of God: I am the Lord God of thy father Abraham and the God of Isaac, unto thee do I give this land and thy seed after thee, and I will make thy seed as the stars of heaven, and thou shalt spread forth to the four sides of heaven, and in thee and in thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
[12] "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. [13] And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. [14] If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
This is why we pray in the name of Jesus! Think about how easy God has made things for us. How much more accessible He is because of the bridge made for the world that is Jesus!
[1] My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. [2] And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.
I am aware of the danger of misunderstanding what I have written about ancestry and prayer. It is possible that misunderstanding and lack of structure or sound foundation is what ushered ancestor worship into so many communities, even within the chosen nation of God. I must make clear that this is NOT what I am advocating for! I imagine that a power was noted, but the source of it forgotten and neglected (maybe even abused in one way or another). Just looking at how much we like instant gratification today (which is far from new like a great poet once wrote) confirms this — sometimes we don't want to do the work, or don't even understand the point of it so we resist and find other ways to serve our wants and needs "faster" and seemingly more "accurately" because of tangibility.
When Moses went up on the Mountain to hear from God, the people below grew impatient and even forgot who they were dealing with and what He had done for them. Just like that, came idols because it is hardwired in humans to want to worship something. We were made for it and that's why it is so easy to fall into it. Think of all the good things you have done for people. Now think about how they have treated you when they start to lose sight of your goodness OR never had it to begin with. It really is just a human thing, to lose sight of things, especially when we get too used to them or have no value for them. This is why we can't afford to get "comfortable" with God. Remember who He is, remember who you are and what He says you are. Remember what He has done for you because believe me(!) things could have been far worse if He wasn't present to some capacity. Remember His word. It is a ticket written 'never ending humility' and thankfully, we have a Helper to remind us!
I did not get into this with the intention of becoming 'preachy'. There are times though, it just happens and there is no stopping it! This is one of those times! I believe though, it is for our (including me) benefit.
Jesus is THE ANCESTOR! The one we are told to pray through. The name we are told to use, the one through which, all things are possible with faith. This I believe makes life much more straightforward for us in regard to connecting with God because there are many confusions and this can very easily end up being one of them, even though unintentionally! There is one purely righteous one who we can and should depend on. What I have said, I treat more like a WI-FI booster — the power of having community and fellowship. The power of having family that believes. The power of that which is encouraged greatly in the New Testament — love and having each other's back. What good is a family if it cannot even support you and you as a member of the family cannot support others? A Kingdom divided? You are always stronger together, and you are always to consider each other, not letting any fall or be burdened — you share to lighten the load and to move towards a common goal. You are quite literally one body governed by one Holy Spirit.
[1] Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. [2] And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. [3] And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. [4] Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; [5] does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; [6] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; [7] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [8] Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. [9] For we know in part and we prophesy in part. [10] But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. [11] When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. [12] For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. [13] And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I wonder, have you ever had an encounter in your life where you knew it was God speaking? God calling? Even when and if you were in a very rebellious place? A very dark place? Even a man like Saul, who later became Paul has proof of heritage that goes all the way back to Abraham — A Benjamite! If that does not speak the power of God's blessing and promise, and also the power of being connected to Him in some way, even many generations back, how can we say that your faith and obedience today, will not count for your grandchildren's children many years after you have left the earth no matter their situation? And if all things are possible with faith (which they are and it is written) can you not secure your people such that even if they fall, seemingly very far from the tree (like Saul before his encounter on the road) they can (will) be called home? They recognise the voice of their Shepherd, just as it is written — God's elect. I think Paul's story is a great example of God's Grace, God's power being made strong and impossible to ignore in weakness. Most of all, I see the greatest love story ever written: from God to the world. "....love will cover a multitude of sins."
All that said, I hope I have made myself clear!
Like Joseph, I wondered after that dream. But what stood out even more is how when I needed it the most, in the depths of my grief which could only be because of the love I have for him and the bond that we share, wondering what I would do and where I would go without my dear friend my grandfather, the hand of the only person who could and would understand what his death meant for me was there for me to hold to support me. Like Rachel speaking to her son from the grave, empathising with her son's grief, I was, though in silence and by one action, assured that it would all be okay and that I am looked after because God is in control of everything, having accounted for even the things I question(ed).
On an even more personal level, I believe my grandmother's love for her family was very strong. Strong enough for her to have been given an opportunity to communicate with everyone who mattered to her and who she mattered to after her death to bid a proper farewell. Who knows, maybe she asked or maybe the Lord saw her heart and gave her what she needed. I was surprised to find out I was not the only one who dreamed about her after she died. What is that thing that is written about witnesses? Yeah, that! Given that we lived together and she was a mother to me, like my grandfather is a father to me, to have had a dream where she appeared again, well... What does that say about life after death? This concludes the second part of Mementomori. Death is inevitable, but there is life after it!
PS. Do you know God's promises to you? Love is the greatest commandment. Do you see the power of love?
MK. Author
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The Anatomy of Sin
29th May, 2026 · MK.
FictionMature. 18+
Every other week, he gives me three words to work with. Every week between these weeks, I give him three words to work with. Below is one from January 2026 that the word salt triggered the memory of. I "cheated" that time around because I procrastinated for so long that I had 8 plus weeks worth of words and no mental bandwidth to write multiple stories — there was just no way! 5 weeks worth were then merged into one story that I grew particularly proud of!
The story is of a woman defined by her role as a wife, mother and woman of God who longs for more. Pandora's box (pun intended) is opened after the death of her sister.
Here are the words: 1. Rosary, land, mandala 2. Fasting, wunderbar, autocorrect 3. Honeycomb, complain, road 4. Demand, goated, multiply 5. Hardcore, voodoo, grain
Introduction
I am nun-clad. From head to toe I cover my body. From head to toe nothing fits to show my shape.
I hide my hair and face, and meet no man's eye unless he is my spiritual guide or husband. Husbands usually double as spiritual guides since they are heads of the home.
I have only my husband. He is the only one whose eye I meet, he is the only man I see.
Mass is boring. It happens three times a week. Saying that it's boring feels like sacrilege, but we're not so strict that it cannot be said out loud. Opinions and suggestions are welcomed to make it more excitin- just not too exciting.
"Does your life excite you?"
I have responsibility. I have duty. I have love for my daughter. I have love for my family. I have respect for my husband. I have a role to play.
"So... No?"
I don't think so.
"And do you want excitement? Do you want to be excited?"
Yes. I do not know how to find or make that now. I do not know what that looks like. My daughter is the closest thing I have to lasting excitement. But really, I am more sad for her than I am enthusiastic.
This life is indited for her already, but I want her to live better than me because something is missing.
Diary
Entry 1
My sister is dead. We plan to go home for the funeral. I will remain behind for as long as they need me to help.
We travel tomorrow evening.
Entry 2
Why does God let this happen?
Entry 3
My daughter will stay with me. Her dad can't do it alone.
Entry 4
Even though somber, I like it here.
Entry 5
I just found out my sister was pregnant when she died. Why does God let this happen?
Entry 6
I met a man's gaze today. What I felt scared me.
Entry 7
I can't stop thinking about him. What is this?!
Entry 8
I saw him again. I think I missed him because it was a relief to see him.
Entry 9
Kendi isn't well. I may have to take her to the clinic if it worsens. I'll do what I can with what I've got first.
Entry 10
Kendi's fever broke today. Thank God! We are in the clear. My baby will be fine.
Entry 11
Wednesday service. That's how a praise and worship service should be! I haven't felt like this since I was a little older than Kendi. Wow! I can't wait for Sunday.
Entry 12
Learned that Lucy was married?! How? When? And why didn't she tell anyone!!!
It is good to know that there was someone in her life who cared. Good to know who the father of the baby was.
He is a trucker. He got robbed and could not reach her until he came back to town.
He's distraught. I want to comfort him.
Entry 13
He is the second man my eyes have met so far. He told me we have the same eyes. I am scared of what that made me feel.
Sad. My sister, a part of me, is really dead. Desire. He looked at me in a way my husband has never looked at me before.
Entry 14
Yesterday, we took a bus to a piece of land he had acquired for him and Lucy to build a home or start a business. They hadn't settled on what it would be for because he got it as a surprise, and for them to decide together.
It wasn't much, yet it was everything. I am ashamed to say that I wanted him in that moment. I wanted him in a way I should only want my husband.
When I got home, I could not even write. I just read and prayed to God to forgive me for feeling and thinking in that way about a man who was not MY HUSBAND.
Today, I have pretended to be too busy to even see him. He will be hanging around a lot it seems. I have to keep away from him.
Entry 15
Sunday Service was great. Just as exciting as the midweek service. In my highness of goodness, I met his eyes again. I wanted him again. I can't help but feel that he wants me too.
Entry 16
I can't stop thinking about him....
Kendi likes it here. She's made friends she likes and she is happy. I think, for her sake, we'll stay a little bit longer. I'll tell her dad.
Entry 17
He looks very nice. His arms, his chest, his stomach, his face, his hands, his legs, his feet. I keep thinking about him. I am running from him and then I see him and then I.... I like it. I like him. I want to see more of him. But it is wrong. It is so wrong.
If I keep my head down, if I immediately turn away when I see him, no matter how close or how far, I will be okay.
Entry 18
"If you have nice hair like your sister's, why do you cover it?" He asked me.
That question made me angry. I walked away. I did not even look at him.
What does that mean?! I am so angry!
I was so angry I wanted to push him against the wall, or strangle him, or slap him, or hit him really hard. I still want to do these things. I will stay far far away.
Entry 19
He came to apologise for offending me. He said he didn't mean to.
This was the first time since the land day that we were alone. This was the first time that we were alone in a room, MY room.
He presented me with a Rosary. I told him I am not "that kind" of a Catholic. He said it was a peace offering. He didn't want me to think he was after anything wrong, he didn't want the wrong impression to stick with me. And so, the Rosary was for peace, love and faith between us; and just to assure me his intentions were good.
Entry 20
Yesterday was wonderful. "Wunderbar" he taught is how they say wonderful in Germany. He learned this doing a small job for Germans in Nairobi.
His life sounds so exciting. So free. So adventurous. I like it.
I see why my sister liked him. I see why she kept him a secret.
He's a life no one here has ever lived, and an easy page turner: so open about it, so unashamed about it. He is refreshing.
I know no man like him besides our late father.
Entry 21
It's going to be a long road home. I will miss it here. I will miss the feeling of home.
I will miss him.
It is safer for us to be apart. It is safer for me. I have a life, a life I had for select moments forgotten about while I was with him.
Entry 22
Hugging him was the calmest, saddest and most turned on I have been in the arms of a man. I don't understand. Am I in love with him?
He said he will miss me and it made me blush. I looked in his eyes and said I'll miss him too. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn't. I didn't. I can't and will never.
Entry 23
It's been a week since I wrote. There is a lot I had to catch up on.
We tried again for a child, and this time I liked it. I liked it because Lukas intruded: his eyes, his neck, his chest, his smell, his warmth. I felt things I have never felt before while my husband was in me.
My husband is happy. I am happy.
I think it's wise not to let that happen again. But I also think it's wise to let it happen again. It's exciting, it's interesting, and it keeps us together... I orgasmed.
It's true, you know when you know. There's nothing like it.
I am not sleeping with another man. I am sleeping with my husband. And even though another man is in my head, I have never touched him, and he has never touched me.
Why not stay happy in this place?
Entry 100
I want to go home. I want to see how they are all doing. It's been months since Lucy's death. A check in is due. Family time is due.
Kendi being in school will make it easier for her dad. He won't have to entertain her much, except for the weekends.
Lucky for him, she is obsessed with mandala art. She will remain quite self occupied, as she has been for the past month. I am glad she has found something she is passionate about and stuck to it. She has her excitement. Now I need mine.
I need love, I need passion, I need attention, I need to be against the grain, just for a short while.
Entry 115
My hair is out. My hair is out for him. He was right, it is beautiful hair. I like it like this. If he arrives at night, he might not see it. But I will keep it out.
Entry 116
He liked it. It was dark, but he felt it. He liked the way it felt. I like the way he felt brushing over it.
He was happy to see me, but too tired to stay up with me. Trucking can do that to a man.
I will leave him to rest. I will help him rest.
Entry 120
"Did you miss me?" I asked him this morning.
"Almost all the time" he told me.
"What did you miss about me?"
"Your ear, your strength, your eyes... your presence, and the things I haven't seen."
"How can you miss things you haven't seen?"
"I have a good imagination."
Entry 121
"I have a good imagination." I have a good imagination too. I should have just said that. He caught me off guard. I was too nervous to speak.
Has he been thinking about me the same way I have been thinking about him?
I stopped when things got too boring for me to even hang on. I needed to see him again. Even if for a few hours. I needed him fresh in my mind again.
Newer. Newer for improved visions. Closer. Closer for longer. With less and then more, more and then less, until none... maybe.
Entry 122
If I wasn't married, I'd be with him. If I were married to him, I'd be happy.
Entry 128
I am close to sin. I am too close to sin. When I am with him, I want to touch him. I want him to touch me. It is time I started planning my trip back.
I can tell he wants me because unlike me, he is forthcoming. I can tell he wants me to be comfortable, so he doesn't make big moves.
He flirts with his eyes, his tone, his statements, his walk. I want what I want but I am afraid. I think he is afraid of being wrong, so he keeps a safe enough distance...
I wish.... I wish he would give me something. Give me something tangible... Give me something longer lasting...
Entry 130
He noticed his peace offering on my chest, and then he noticed my chest. His eyes stuck to my chest. What he couldn't see he could see, even though there was more to be seen.
I liked the look on his face, I wanted more of it, so I showed him more. Quickly, like a flash, but slower.
He gave me something to think about; what I couldn't see, I could see. He let me see, he didn't hide it.
Entry 138
I spent the past three days playing with my husband, pretending that HE IS my husband. We have had the best time together. I don't like that he has to leave for two weeks, but it is well.
This might be good for me, being just me and my daughter. Fasting from what my body demands, and focusing on what my baby needs.
I wonder if he has noticed there is a pattern? That I come back with such strong drive and desire for him? I wonder if he wonders what I think about when I close my eyes and rise to the occasion.
Grief, he once said comes out in various ways. He said that the first time around, but he did not complain. He seemed rather charmed; elated.
Entry 139
Is my womb closed? Why can't I have another child? We have slept together more in the past few months than we have in years yet, nothing! It has been better than before and yet nothing!
Why? What have I done wrong? I was told that to increase the chance of pregnancy, I should sleep with my husband more frequently.
I did not like it, but I did. We tried. Nothing! When I finally liked it, it became less difficult to try. The frequency came up easily, but.... nothing!?
Could it be because I have thought of another man while we sex? Have I sinned against the Lord and my husband? But surely, it can't be wrong if I have not slept with the man, only dreamed of it, can it?
The only sin I can identify is showing him my breasts. He showed me his penis. We didn't touch. We looked, we covered, we went on with our day.
I repented of this... I left because of it... I was sure that if I stayed, I would touch him and he would touch me.... and we wouldn't stop until everything was done.
If he were a honeycomb, I would have licked and sucked the honey clean from the comb. I fled. I fled just like we are told to do, "Flee from temptation".
I fled, and I brought myself home... Home to my husband who became the honeycomb I dry out.
Maybe I will find out I am pregnant this time around. I want another child, just one more to make our number even.
Multiply! Multiply! "Be fruitful and multiply."
Entry 142
I am burdened. My heart is not right. My mind is not right. What was taught today proves that I have sinned.
Matthew 5:27
Like autocorrect on a keyboard, it has been spelled out for me.
I am an adulterous woman. I have been adulterous for nearly a year. Covetousness.
Turning away from it all is the only way to do right by my God and my husband. My family!
Entry 155
Why would they do this?! Why would they do this to me?!
She refrained from writing her thoughts and feelings about Lukas from then on because of how incriminating it would be if found and read by anyone but her.
She contemplated burning the book — watching the life she dreamed go aflame: burned fiercely to death, ash blown away by the wind.
The longer she hung on to the book, the harder her core turned. Hardened core... 'hardcore'.
Her contemplation and inhibition faded, she wanted documented memory within her reach whenever she felt like she needed reminding, which was often.
She was something like Lot's wife looking back, turning into a pillar of salt.
In Voodoo, salt is used to ward off sinister spirits. For protection, one would have to pour it at every entry way.
In Christianity, the instruction given to believers is to be the salt and light of the earth.
Whatever the case, the salt here was not of benefit.
In a bizarre way, she justified her inaction, claiming it saved her family from falling apart.
We can continue with her story if you'd like a part two.
This story is GOATED because I got very creative with the use of the words. Could be called cheating, but I say GOAT! 😂
MK. Author
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The Shadow Man
9th Jun, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
Cûcû — Grandma Guka — Grandpa Lachrymal — relating to or producing tears
Imagination. Imagination. Imagination. How many children are dismissed in the name of imagination? How many children dismiss themselves in the name of imagination? How much of this is learned? How much of this natural?
There was a man in the corner of my room every night. All he did was watch me. I did not have distinct features to work with, but he was shaped like a man — his silhouette was that of a man in a loose fitting suit and he always faced me meaning his eyes, though not visible, were on me.
I spent a few nights in my grandparents' room because I was afraid of the shadow man (this is what I called him). He is the reason why the light outside my bedroom was kept on and why my door had to be left open to let the light in. I was afraid of him.
There came a time my grandmother told me that I had to grow up. I had to come out of that "phase" I was in. She'd often tell the story of maize stalks turning into people cheering and a maize cob being a microphone in her mind when she'd fantasize about being a famous musician like Michael Jackson. That was all fantasy though, it was not real and so my shadow man could not be real.
I did not like that she did not believe me because I knew he was real and he did not give me good feelings inside. Trying to prove his existence was a futile endeavour because I was the only one who could see him, and he only came out at a certain time at night, and then disappeared at a certain time before the sun came up.
One night, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Rather than an endless stare down until I hopefully fell asleep pretending I was not afraid (because I always thought showing fear gave him power), I spoke to it. I thought, "if nothing happens then Cûcû is right." I greeted him and nothing happened! I smiled — the kind of relief — and settled into safety, thinking about how Cûcû was right about him and how foolish I had been thinking that what I saw was real. A phase. A phase. A phase. Children go through phases!
He widened his stance, crossing his arms as he did. I felt cold — TERROR! I told my Cûcû the following morning and she laughed about how "ahead" my mind was. What I had to say was entertaining to her at that point. She wanted more but I had no more to give except that his position had changed and it was even scarier for me.
Fast forward and I stole a rosary from my friend Dolly. The intention wasn't for the shadow man, I just thought they were cool but because I wasn't Catholic there was no point in buying me one so my requests were always rejected. Stealing was the next best thing since I had no money to buy one for myself. Yeah, I was a little bit of a thief back then and I think it made me a tad bit vulnerable to the shadow man.
On another night, I did more than call him to me, I gave him a presumed identity. Why? I wanted to give myself something to be comfortable about. Neither Cûcû nor Guka believed me and I was tired of being teased (mocked) about it. There and then, I imagined he was someone sent to look over me. A dead relative? A guardian angel? My father? I never knew my father but he might as well have been! I then thought, "NO!" Maybe it's been Guka all along! Maybe he watches over me as I sleep and that's why the two can never exist in the same place at the same time. "Maybe it's a secret. Maybe this is how much they love me — how much Guka loves me."
"Guka?" I called to it. "Guka is that you?" I asked. "Guka I know it's you..." I said.
In the three instances nothing happened. Nothing about him changed. He didn't react or respond. He just stood there, arms crossed, legs wide, eyes fixed on me. I was disappointed, sad and afraid. I turned over to face the wall so I didn't have to face the direction in which he stood.
Three taps on my shoulder. I turned and voilà! There by my bed, standing over me, stood this shadow figure that still had no distinct features yet a body I could not see through. He had come to me. I immediately broke into lachrymal prayer, grasping onto the stolen rosary and (not stolen) Bible that I had under my pillow with all my might. I had developed a habit of sleeping with a bible near me since I felt like the shadow man was a threat that only God could protect me from. It's funny because I can't even say I was a believer like that yet deep down I knew it was the only way — my only defense.
What did I pray? Well, I only remember calling Jesus and God for help. Somewhere along the way I fell asleep. Who knows? Maybe I cried myself to sleep or was put to sleep. Whatever the case, I remember it being morning and there being something different about it. From then on, I never saw the shadow man in my room again.
Months later, enough time for me to have moved on with my life, Cûcû asked me whether I remembered that thing I had been seeing in my room and I said yes. She asked if I had been seeing it and I said not for a long time. She then said my cousin had been complaining about seeing a shadow figure in her room that her sister (they shared a room) could not see and it sounded very much like what I had described. She then asked whether I had given her the idea because she was terrified of the thing and I was the only person she could have heard it from. I said the only people who knew about it were the ones who lived with me.
Now, while she found a way to pin it on coincidence and "imagination", I thought it transferred to my cousin. How? Because of me, sleepovers were a thing at home. Cûcû did not want me to be a lonely child so she made sure the age mates in the family who were reachable spent time together over the holidays at our home. We had a house that could accommodate it so why not? I must say, she was GREAT at bringing people together and keeping the mood light and fun. Untouchable she was!
What if it latched on to her somehow? What if in sending it away from me, it went to her? I won't even act like I have all the answers! All I know is what I saw and had never even mentioned to others besides Guka and Cûcû (because I didn't want to come off as "uncool" or crazy based on the reaction I got at home) my cousin was seeing and experiencing, proving it was real.
"Tell her to pray." I said.
0:000:00
Chorus
Was it a dream Or a nightmare? Was I awake? Was I asleep? The Shadow man He stood and stared He did not move Until I asked
Verse 1
He was bad I knew he was From somewhere dark So I held a cross Not religious But I think it worked After he touched He disappeared
I don't think I imagined a thing I was too young to go that far My grandmother, she was not serious It gave her a good laugh Ha ha ha ha It gave her a good laugh
Chorus
Was it a dream
Or a nightmare?
Was I awake?
Was I asleep?
The Shadow man
He stood and stared
He did not move
Until I asked
Verse 2
Mysterious Mysterious I could not see his eyes But I could feel them glued on me
Keep up You better keep up I swear I'm not lying Why would I lie about a man in my room He terrifies me Keep up You better keep up Why would I lie Can't you see him over there in corner?
Chorus
Was it a dream
Or a nightmare?
Was I awake?
Was I asleep?
The Shadow man
He stood and stared
He did not move
Until I asked
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The Last Resort
11th Jun, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature. 18+
I'll start from the beginning: it's hard to take a man's word seriously. It's hard to take anyone's word seriously because of the normalisation of lying. It's not even just about a person lying to me, it's about them lying to themselves as I lie to myself. There are so many glittery ways to name and cloak a lie. So many layers now. Intentionally and unintentionally. The worst is when a lie becomes truth to us — it does not change the fact that it is a lie, so it therefore creates an odd disconnect, a misalignment that we often can't put our finger on, not without much work and difficulty. Words these days, they just don't mean what they used to. A person's word these days? Same thing.
In the film 'Amistad', there is a scene where Cinqué flips out about the fact that he was promised freedom, told he had got freedom after doing what he was told to do to get it, then told as he and his friends were celebrating their victory that they were not exactly free and had to do another trial. He could not understand. That was as good as a lie to him because why say what you do not mean? What kind of madness is that?! Where he was from there was no such thing, everything was a straight and clear line with no devil in the details. The fact that there was no word equivalent to a word like "almost" or "kind of" in his native language proved that yes meant yes and no meant no and this was respected. The law of their captors was crap. Their law was a lie: an entrapment of people and souls. Why tell me I am free when I am not truly free? Why do you lie? Why do you sell promise with no follow through?
With this in mind, when he told me that he wanted us to continue with our interaction, and would even make the effort to, I thought he was saying it just to say it OR just doing so to sleep with me since there was attraction at play — hook and bait, bait and hook (say it like a German). To be caught, I did not want!
Like I said, we have normalised lying even in the name of courtesy which can often leave the person on the other side disappointed if they actually wait or look forward to what they have been told by us. It's often best to shut up before you set yourself up for things you cannot or will not do. I did not hold him to what he said out of fear of being setup. What I mean is, have you ever been pursued with what you like used as bait? So say he wants a hookup, but knows in order to get it, she has to be comfortable so he goes with what makes her comfortable and then makes his move. On one end a person is enjoying the conversation and company with nothing more or less in mind, on another it is being used as a ticket to sex. Yes, some people actually have the patience and experience for this — they know how to adapt to and customise experiences to meet their goal after which, one person is definitely left disappointed, especially if that's not what they wanted or even grew to want. You must be wondering who hurt me ... 🤣
As soon as we separated, I went on as if he did not exist yet he held up to his word. I am the one who had to apologise after realising this: he was one of the rare few who said what they meant and meant what they said. Paired with this, he knew exactly where he was and respected the other person's (my) boundaries when communicated, and even asked for certainty beforehand making sure to check in here and there. He wasn't a bullshitter and I appreciated that.
His thoughts aligned with mine in an interesting and (dare I say) divine way. He was seemingly the first man I had met who understood the concept of boundaries quite intimately which somehow restored my faith and confidence in men — so they can! No fear, no anger, no insecurity? No need to control? No aggressive assertion? No entitlement? I sense these things and all he gave me was REFRESHMENT. Sure, maybe it is because he had three daughters, knew what long term commitment and responsibility meant (especially as it pertained to women and children) had worked for years with refugees and had a heart and eye for policy making. A humanitarian. I had met an actual humanitarian. Not a poster boy, not a fraud! I met a person who treated people as people, not objects that could be moved around anyhow for selfish gain.
Tangle made me think of entanglement. "I had an entanglement with August". It made me think about how Jada took advantage of August's vulnerability — his trust in her and need for help. It made me think of her infidelity and lack of remorse about it before her family and the world. It then evolved into what happens when a person does not view people as people, but rather as moveable objects under them/for them or as idols (think her obsession with Tupac). It then developed into the remembrance of the conversation I had with the man I have just written about to do the rising violence against women: rape, beating and murder.
It all started with him making an observation about how there were more women in gyms and in physical fitness spaces than usual. In fact, more than men! He was seeing a lot of it in Kenya. He joked about wondering what war women were preparing for all around the world because they were taking it way too seriously in his opinion. My first thought was that on average, women are known to take more interest in caring for their health. My second thought was 'IT IS WAR THOUGH!'. This is the thought that I let out. Had he not seen the news? Oh yeah, not a Kenyan so could not be held to Kenyan standards! So, I gave him the news.
According to him, that was not fair to the women because what they were doing was because of a failure in the systems and people that were (are) supposed to protect them. It is a last resort. Rather than know we are safe and live our lives, we have to work to make sure we are safe to survive. What kind of life is that? It is not a life at all! One on edge? One of knowing we are one right or wrong move away from being beaten, raped or murdered? One of constant distrust and alert? One of seeing every and any man as a potential threat to our safety and well being? A life of building all kinds of safeguards around and for ourselves? He was not disputing the need to do so, was even supportive of it because one can't just sit there and do nothing, but rather, pointing out the unfair nature of what was happening. It undermined what life was supposed to be: no one is supposed to be living in such fear or under such threat. They should be living their lives, enjoying their lives BUT NO(!) they can't, and that speaks of an even greater problem: what happens when there is no consequence, no justice brought to perpetrators to warn and ward off others from committing such crimes.
From his perspective, awareness is useless. Dangerous even. Why? Because it lets people know they can get away with it if they want. There is no fear instilled except in the victims and potential victims (and those close to the two). How does that help? Who does that help? On one end it lets women and girls know they need to be guarded — they need to protect themselves. On another it creates an overprotective father, brother or uncle because of the jungle out there — locking up their children, their girlfriends, their wives, their nieces etc all because they want to protect them. But this hinders them from living: all they know is constriction, rules and fear: should nots and cannots. Again, why does it have to be the victims that pay for what is being done to them? Instead, severe consequence has to be introduced and enforced.
DINAH
"I am not going to be stupid and say that my daughters will not be harassed because they will. But I would much rather live in a world where those who try are punished for their actions." ~ A.A
[1] And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
[2] And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.
[3] And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.
[4] And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
[5] And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
[6] And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
[7] And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter; which thing ought not to be done.
[8] And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
[9] And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
[10] And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
[11] And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
[12] Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
[13] And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
[14] and they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
[15] but in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised;
[16] then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
[17] But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
[18] And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.
[19] And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father.
[20] And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
[21] These men are peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, it is large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
[22] Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they are circumcised.
[23] Shall not their cattle and their substance and every beast of their's be our's? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
[24] And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
[25] And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
[26] And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.
[27] The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
[28] They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field,
[29] and all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house.
[30] And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
[31] And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?
[1] And in some time after Jacob went away from the borders of the land, and he came to the land of Shalem, that is the city of Shechem, which is in the land of Canaan, and he rested in front of the city.
[2] And he bought a parcel of the field which was there, from the children of Hamor the people of the land, for five shekels.
[3] And Jacob there built himself a house, and he pitched his tent there, and he made booths for his cattle, therefore he called the name of that place Succoth.
[4] And Jacob remained in Succoth a year and six months.
[5] At that time some of the women of the inhabitants of the land went to the city of Shechem to dance and rejoice with the daughters of the people of the city, and when they went forth then Rachel and Leah the wives of Jacob with their families also went to behold the rejoicing of the daughters of the city.
[6] And Dinah the daughter of Jacob also went along with them and saw the daughters of the city, and they remained there before these daughters whilst all the people of the city were standing by them to behold their rejoicings, and all the great people of the city were there.
[7] And Shechem the son of Hamor, the prince of the land was also standing there to see them.
[8] And Shechem beheld Dinah the daughter of Jacob sitting with her mother before the daughters of the city, and the damsel pleased him greatly, and he there asked his friends and his people, saying, Whose daughter is that sitting amongst the women, whom I do not know in this city?
[9] And they said unto him, Surely this is the daughter of Jacob the son of Isaac the Hebrew, who has dwelt in this city for some time, and when it was reported that the daughters of the land were going forth to rejoice she went with her mother and maid servants to sit amongst them as thou seest.
[10] And Shechem beheld Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and when he looked at her his soul became fixed upon Dinah.
[11] And he sent and had her taken by force, and Dinah came to the house of Shechem and he seized her forcibly and lay with her and humbled her, and he loved her exceedingly and placed her in his house.
[12] And they came and told the thing unto Jacob, and when Jacob heard that Shechem had defiled his daughter Dinah, Jacob sent twelve of his servants to fetch Dinah from the house of Shechem, and they went and came to the house of Shechem to take away Dinah from there.
[13] And when they came Shechem went out to them with his men and drove them from his house, and he would not suffer them to come before Dinah, but Shechem was sitting with Dinah kissing and embracing her before their eyes.
[14] And the servants of Jacob came back and told him, saying, When we came, he and his men drove us away, and thus did Shechem do unto Dinah before our eyes.
[15] And Jacob knew moreover that Shechem had defiled his daughter, but he said nothing, and his sons were feeding his cattle in the field, and Jacob remained silent till their return.
[16] And before his sons came home Jacob sent two maidens from his servants' daughters to take care of Dinah in the house of Shechem, and to remain with her, and Shechem sent three of his friends to his father Hamor the son of Chiddekem, the son of Pered, saying, Get me this damsel for a wife.
[17] And Hamor the son of Chiddekem the Hivite came to the house of Shechem his son, and he sat before him, and Hamor said unto his son, Shechem, Is there then no woman amongst the daughters of thy people that thou wilt take an Hebrew woman who is not of thy people?
[18] And Shechem said to him, Her only must thou get for me, for she is delightful in my sight; and Hamor did according to the word of his son, for he was greatly beloved by him.
[19] And Hamor went forth to Jacob to commune with him concerning this matter, and when he had gone from the house of his son Shechem, before he came to Jacob to speak unto him, behold the sons of Jacob had come from the field, as soon as they heard the thing that Shechem the son of Hamor had done.
[20] And the men were very much grieved concerning their sister, and they all came home fired with anger, before the time of gathering in their cattle.
[21] And they came and sat before their father and they spoke unto him kindled with wrath, saying, Surely death is due to this man and to his household, because the Lord God of the whole earth commanded Noah and his children that man shall never rob, nor commit adultery; now behold Shechem has both ravaged and committed fornication with our sister, and not one of all the people of the city spoke a word to him.
[22] Surely thou knowest and understandest that the judgment of death is due to Shechem, and to his father, and to the whole city on account of the thing which he has done.
[23] And whilst they were speaking before their father in this matter, behold Hamor the father of Shechem came to speak to Jacob the words of his son concerning Dinah, and he sat before Jacob and before his sons.
[24] And Hamor spoke unto them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter; I pray you give her unto him for a wife and intermarry with us; give us your daughters and we will give you our daughters, and you shall dwell with us in our land and we will be as one people in the land.
[25] For our land is very extensive, so dwell ye and trade therein and get possessions in it, and do therein as you desire, and no one shall prevent you by saying a word to you.
[26] And Hamor ceased speaking unto Jacob and his sons, and behold Shechem his son had come after him, and he sat before them.
[27] And Shechem spoke before Jacob and his sons, saying, May I find favor in your sight that you will give me your daughter, and whatever you say unto me that will I do for her.
[28] Ask me for abundance of dowry and gift, and I will give it, and whatever you shall say unto me that will I do, and whoever he be that will rebel against your orders, he shall die; only give me the damsel for a wife.
[29] And Simeon and Levi answered Hamor and Shechem his son deceitfully, saying, All you have spoken unto us we will do for you.
[30] And behold our sister is in your house, but keep away from her until we send to our father Isaac concerning this matter, for we can do nothing without his consent.
[31] For he knoweth the ways of our father Abraham, and whatever he sayeth unto us we will tell you, we will conceal nothing from you.
[32] And Simeon and Levi spoke this unto Shechem and his father in order to find a pretext, and to seek counsel what was to be done to Shechem and to his city in this matter.
[33] And when Shechem and his father heard the words of Simeon and Levi, it seemed good in their sight, and Shechem and his father came forth to go home.
[34] And when they had gone, the sons of Jacob said unto their father, saying, Behold, we know that death is due to these wicked ones and to their city, because they transgressed that which God had commanded unto Noah and his children and his seed after them.
[35] And also because Shechem did this thing to our sister Dinah in defiling her, for such vileness shall never be done amongst us.
[36] Now therefore know and see what you will do, and seek counsel and pretext what is to be done to them, in order to kill all the inhabitants of this city.
[37] And Simeon said to them, Here is a proper advice for you: tell them to circumcise every male amongst them as we are circumcised, and if they do not wish to do this, we shall take our daughter from them and go away.
[38] And if they consent to do this and will do it, then when they are sunk down with pain, we will attack them with our swords, as upon one who is quiet and peaceable, and we will slay every male person amongst them.
[39] And Simeon's advice pleased them, and Simeon and Levi resolved to do unto them as it was proposed.
[40] And on the next morning Shechem and Hamor his father came again unto Jacob and his sons, to speak concerning Dinah, and to hear what answer the sons of Jacob would give to their words.
[41] And the sons of Jacob spoke deceitfully to them, saying, We told our father Isaac all your words, and your words pleased him.
[42] But he spoke unto us, saying, Thus did Abraham his father command him from God the Lord of the whole earth, that any man who is not of his descendants that should wish to take one of his daughters, shall cause every male belonging to him to be circumcised, as we are circumcised, and then we may give him our daughter for a wife.
[43] Now we have made known to you all our ways that our father spoke unto us, for we cannot do this of which you spoke unto us, to give our daughter to an uncircumcised man, for it is a disgrace to us.
[44] But herein will we consent to you, to give you our daughter, and we will also take unto ourselves your daughters, and will dwell amongst you and be one people as you have spoken, if you will hearken to us, and consent to be like us, to circumcise every male belonging to you, as we are circumcised.
[45] And if you will not hearken unto us, to have every male circumcised as we are circumcised, as we have commanded, then we will come to you, and take our daughter from you and go away.
[46] And Shechem and his father Hamor heard the words of the sons of Jacob, and the thing pleased them exceedingly, and Shechem and his father Hamor hastened to do the wishes of the sons of Jacob, for Shechem was very fond of Dinah, and his soul was riveted to her.
[47] And Shechem and his father Hamor hastened to the gate of the city, and they assembled all the men of their city and spoke unto them the words of the sons of Jacob.
[48] We came to these men, the sons of Jacob, and we spoke unto them concerning their daughter, and these men will consent to do according to our wishes, and behold our land is of great extent for them, and they will dwell in it, and trade in it, and we shall be one people; we will take their daughters, and our daughters we will give unto them for wives.
[49] But only on this condition will these men consent to do this thing, that every male amongst us be circumcised as they are circumcised, as their God commanded them, and when we shall have done according to their instructions to be circumcised, then will they dwell amongst us, together with their cattle and possessions, and we shall be as one people with them.
[50] And when all the men of the city heard the words of Shechem and his father Hamor, then all the men of their city were agreeable to this proposal, and they obeyed to be circumcised, for Shechem and his father Hamor were greatly esteemed by them, being the princes of the land.
[51] And on the next day, Shechem and Hamor his father rose up early in the morning, and they assembled all the men of their city into the middle of the city, and they called for the sons of Jacob, who circumcised every male belonging to them on that day and the next.
[52] And they circumcised Shechem and Hamor his father, and the five brothers of Shechem, and then every one rose up and went home, for this thing was from the Lord against the city of Shechem, and from the Lord was Simeon's counsel in this matter, in order that the Lord might deliver the city of Shechem into the hands of Jacob's two sons.
[1] And the number of all the males that were circumcised, were six hundred and forty-five men, and two hundred and forty-six children.
[2] But Chiddekem, son of Pered, the father of Hamor, and his six brothers, would not listen unto Shechem and his father Hamor, and they would not be circumcised, for the proposal of the sons of Jacob was loathsome in their sight, and their anger was greatly roused at this, that the people of the city had not hearkened to them.
[3] And in the evening of the second day, they found eight small children who had not been circumcised, for their mothers had concealed them from Shechem and his father Hamor, and from the men of the city.
[4] And Shechem and his father Hamor sent to have them brought before them to be circumcised, when Chiddekem and his six brothers sprang at them with their swords, and sought to slay them.
[5] And they sought to slay also Shechem and his father Hamor and they sought to slay Dinah with them on account of this matter.
[6] And they said unto them, What is this thing that you have done? are there no women amongst the daughters of your brethren the Canaanites, that you wish to take unto yourselves daughters of the Hebrews, whom ye knew not before, and will do this act which your fathers never commanded you?
[7] Do you imagine that you will succeed through this act which you have done? and what will you answer in this affair to your brethren the Canaanites, who will come tomorrow and ask you concerning this thing?
[8] And if your act shall not appear just and good in their sight, what will you do for your lives, and me for our lives, in your not having hearkened to our voices?
[9] And if the inhabitants of the land and all your brethren the children of Ham, shall hear of your act, saying,
[10] On account of a Hebrew woman did Shechem and Hamor his father, and all the inhabitants of their city, do that with which they had been unacquainted and which their ancestors never commanded them, where then will you fly or where conceal your shame, all your days before your brethren, the inhabitants of the land of Canaan?
[11] Now therefore we cannot bear up against this thing which you have done, neither can we be burdened with this yoke upon us, which our ancestors did not command us.
[12] Behold tomorrow we will go and assemble all our brethren, the Canaanitish brethren who dwell in the land, and we will all come and smite you and all those who trust in you, that there shall not be a remnant left from you or them.
[13] And when Hamor and his son Shechem and all the people of the city heard the words of Chiddekem and his brothers, they were terribly afraid of their lives at their words, and they repented of what they had done.
[14] And Shechem and his father Hamor answered their father Chiddekem and his brethren, and they said unto them, All the words which you spoke unto us are true.
[15] Now do not say, nor imagine in your hearts that on account of the love of the Hebrews we did this thing that our ancestors did not command us.
[16] But because we saw that it was not their intention and desire to accede to our wishes concerning their daughter as to our taking her, except on this condition, so we hearkened to their voices and did this act which you saw, in order to obtain our desire from them.
[17] And when we shall have obtained our request from them, we will then return to them and do unto them that which you say unto us.
[18] We beseech you then to wait and tarry until our flesh shall be healed and we again become strong, and we will then go together against them, and do unto them that which is in your hearts and in ours.
[19] And Dinah the daughter of Jacob heard all these words which Chiddekem and his brothers had spoken, and what Hamor and his son Shechem and the people of their city had answered them.
[20] And she hastened and sent one of her maidens, that her father had sent to take care of her in the house of Shechem, to Jacob her father and to her brethren, saying:
[21] Thus did Chiddekem and his brothers advise concerning you, and thus did Hamor and Shechem and the people of the city answer them.
[22] And when Jacob heard these words he was filled with wrath, and he was indignant at them, and his anger was kindled against them.
[23] And Simeon and Levi swore and said, As the Lord liveth, the God of the whole earth, by this time tomorrow, there shall not be a remnant left in the whole city.
[24] And twenty young men had concealed themselves who were not circumcised, and these young men fought against Simeon and Levi, and Simeon and Levi killed eighteen of them, and two fled from them and escaped to some lime pits that were in the city, and Simeon and Levi sought for them, but could not find them.
[25] And Simeon and Levi continued to go about in the city, and they killed all the people of the city at the edge of the sword, and they left none remaining.
[26] And there was a great consternation in the midst of the city, and the cry of the people of the city ascended to heaven, and all the women and children cried aloud.
[27] And Simeon and Levi slew all the city; they left not a male remaining in the whole city.
[28] And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son at the edge of the sword, and they brought away Dinah from the house of Shechem and they went from there.
[29] And the sons of Jacob went and returned, and came upon the slain, and spoiled all their property which was in the city and the field.
[30] And whilst they were taking the spoil, three hundred men stood up and threw dust at them and struck them with stones, when Simeon turned to them and he slew them all with the edge of the sword, and Simeon turned before Levi, and came into the city.
[31] And they took away their sheep and their oxen and their cattle, and also the remainder of the women and little ones, and they led all these away, and they opened a gate and went out and came unto their father Jacob with vigor.
[32] And when Jacob saw all that they had done to the city, and saw the spoil that they took from them, Jacob was very angry at them, and Jacob said unto them, What is this that you have done to me? behold I obtained rest amongst the Canaanitish inhabitants of the land, and none of them meddled with me.
[33] And now you have done to make me obnoxious to the inhabitants of the land, amongst the Canaanites and the Perizzites, and I am but of a small number, and they will all assemble against me and slay me when they hear of your work with their brethren, and I and my household will be destroyed.
[34] And Simeon and Levi and all their brothers with them answered their father Jacob and said unto him, Behold we live in the land, and shall Shechem do this to our sister? why art thou silent at all that Shechem has done? and shall he deal with our sister as with a harlot in the streets?
[35] And the number of women whom Simeon and Levi took captives from the city of Shechem, whom they did not slay, was eighty-five who had not known man.
[36] And amongst them was a young damsel of beautiful appearance and well favored, whose name was Bunah, and Simeon took her for a wife, and the number of the males which they took captives and did not slay, was forty-seven men, and the rest they slew.
[37] And all the young men and women that Simeon and Levi had taken captives from the city of Shechem, were servants to the sons of Jacob and to their children after them, until the day of the sons of Jacob going forth from the land of Egypt.
[38] And when Simeon and Levi had gone forth from the city, the two young men that were left, who had concealed themselves in the city, and did not die amongst the people of the city, rose up, and these young men went into the city and walked about in it, and found the city desolate without man, and only women weeping, and these young men cried out and said, Behold, this is the evil which the sons of Jacob the Hebrew did to this city in their having this day destroyed one of the Canaanitish cities, and were not afraid of their lives of all the land of Canaan.
[39] And these men left the city and went to the city of Tapnach, and they came there and told the inhabitants of Tapnach all that had befallen them, and all that the sons of Jacob had done to the city of Shechem.
[40] And the information reached Jashub king of Tapnach, and he sent men to the city of Shechem to see those young men, for the king did not believe them in this account, saying, How could two men lay waste such a large town as Shechem?
[41] And the messengers of Jashub came back and told him, saying, We came unto the city, and it is destroyed, there is not a man there; only weeping women; neither is any flock or cattle there, for all that was in the city the sons of Jacob took away.
[42] And Jashub wondered at this, saying, How could two men do this thing, to destroy so large a city, and not one man able to stand against them?
[43] For the like has not been from the days of Nimrod, and not even from the remotest time, has the like taken place; and Jashub, king of Tapnach, said to his people, Be courageous and we will go and fight against these Hebrews, and do unto them as they did unto the city, and we will avenge the cause of the people of the city.
[44] And Jashub, king of Tapnach, consulted with his counsellors about this matter, and his advisers said unto him, Alone thou wilt not prevail over the Hebrews, for they must be powerful to do this work to the whole city.
[45] If two of them laid waste the whole city, and no one stood against them, surely if thou wilt go against them, they will all rise against us and destroy us likewise.
[46] But if thou wilt send to all the kings that surround us, and let them come together, then we will go with them and fight against the sons of Jacob; then wilt thou prevail against them.
[47] And Jashub heard the words of his counsellors, and their words pleased him and his people, and he did so; and Jashub king of Tapnach sent to all the kings of the Amorites that surrounded Shechem and Tapnach, saying,
[48] Go up with me and assist me, and we will smite Jacob the Hebrew and all his sons, and destroy them from the earth, for thus did he do to the city of Shechem, and do you not know of it?
[49] And all the kings of the Amorites heard the evil that the sons of Jacob had done to the city of Shechem, and they were greatly astonished at them.
[50] And the seven kings of the Amorites assembled with all their armies, about ten thousand men with drawn swords, and they came to fight against the sons of Jacob; and Jacob heard that the kings of the Amorites had assembled to fight against his sons, and Jacob was greatly afraid, and it distressed him.
[51] And Jacob exclaimed against Simeon and Levi, saying, What is this act that you did? why have you injured me, to bring against me all the children of Canaan to destroy me and my household? for I was at rest, even I and my household, and you have done this thing to me, and provoked the inhabitants of the land against me by your proceedings.
[52] And Judah answered his father, saying, Was it for naught my brothers Simeon and Levi killed all the inhabitants of Shechem? Surely it was because Shechem had humbled our sister, and transgressed the command of our God to Noah and his children, for Shechem took our sister away by force, and committed adultery with her.
[53] And Shechem did all this evil and not one of the inhabitants of his city interfered with him, to say, Why wilt thou do this? surely for this my brothers went and smote the city, and the Lord delivered it into their hands, because its inhabitants had transgressed the commands of our God. Is it then for naught that they have done all this?
[54] And now why art thou afraid or distressed, and why art thou displeased at my brothers, and why is thine anger kindled against them?
[55] Surely our God who delivered into their hand the city of Shechem and its people, he will also deliver into our hands all the Canaanitish kings who are coming against us, and we will do unto them as my brothers did unto Shechem.
[56] Now be tranquil about them and cast away thy fears, but trust in the Lord our God, and pray unto him to assist us and deliver us, and deliver our enemies into our hands.
[57] And Judah called to one of his father's servants, Go now and see where those kings, who are coming against us, are situated with their armies.
[58] And the servant went and looked far off, and went up opposite Mount Sihon, and saw all the camps of the kings standing in the fields, and he returned to Judah and said, Behold the kings are situated in the field with all their camps, a people exceedingly numerous, like unto the sand upon the sea shore.
[59] And Judah said unto Simeon and Levi, and unto all his brothers, Strengthen yourselves and be sons of valor, for the Lord our God is with us, do not fear them.
[60] Stand forth each man, girt with his weapons of war, his bow and his sword, and we will go and fight against these uncircumcised men; the Lord is our God, He will save us.
[61] And they rose up, and each girt on his weapons of war, great and small, eleven sons of Jacob, and all the servants of Jacob with them.
[62] And all the servants of Isaac who were with Isaac in Hebron, all came to them equipped in all sorts of war instruments, and the sons of Jacob and their servants, being one hundred and twelve men, went towards these kings, and Jacob also went with them.
[63] And the sons of Jacob sent unto their father Isaac the son of Abraham to Hebron, the same is Kireath-arba, saying,
[64] Pray we beseech thee for us unto the Lord our God, to protect us from the hands of the Canaanites who are coming against us, and to deliver them into our hands.
[65] And Isaac the son of Abraham prayed unto the Lord for his sons, and he said, O Lord God, thou didst promise my father, saying, I will multiply thy seed as the stars of heaven, and thou didst also promise me, and establish thou thy word, now that the kings of Canaan are coming together, to make war with my children because they committed no violence.
[66] Now therefore, O Lord God, God of the whole earth, pervert, I pray thee, the counsel of these kings that they may not fight against my sons.
[67] And impress the hearts of these kings and their people with the terror of my sons and bring down their pride, and that they may turn away from my sons.
[68] And with thy strong hand and outstretched arm deliver my sons and their servants from them, for power and might are in thy hands to do all this.
[69] And the sons of Jacob and their servants went toward these kings, and they trusted in the Lord their God, and whilst they were going, Jacob their father also prayed unto the Lord and said, O Lord God, powerful and exalted God, who has reigned from days of old, from thence till now and forever;
[70] Thou art He who stirreth up wars and causeth them to cease, in thy hand are power and might to exalt and to bring down; O may my prayer be acceptable before thee that thou mayest turn to me with thy mercies, to impress the hearts of these kings and their people with the terror of my sons, and terrify them and their camps, and with thy great kindness deliver all those that trust in thee, for it is thou who canst bring people under us and reduce nations under our power.
For a while now, I have been under the impression that the only book I need to read is the Bible (so it includes the missing bits). There is no need to read fragments of truth or to better phrase it conglomerates of lies and truth. For this reason, it has been the only book I have been into for a year now. The one thing that will give me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, SO HELP ME GOD! Anything else I read or watch or hear has to find its place in what I have read and learned from the only Book I need. It has to link back somehow.
When I read the detailed account of Dinah's story in Jasher, I experienced consolation. I was soon after no longer burdened by the question of the courage or integrity of the ones responsible for me when they found out about what had happened to me. I also started to loosen my expectations (be flexible) because humans are humans — beautifully and wonderfully made, but corrupted in ugly ways that limit their capability to show up properly, even though their heart may be in the right place (not forgetting even the Bible says that the heart is not to be trusted, but the one who reads them all is because He makes all paths straight).
From the interpretation that I got it seems as though Jacob was going to allow his daughter to live with a man who kidnapped, raped and kept her (and who would probably continue to violate her to his soul's content considering the fact that he took her, raped her and kept as if she was some kind of object and not a person with a choice over herself) for his name's sake and for the sake of not starting a war which would put all his people at risk. He'd built a good reputation and place in the land, he didn't want that ruined. He had secured places for his people and life was good! Why reduce all that to dust? He sent help, maybe as a way to make sure she had support, but that seems like the best he was going to do for her. One for the sake of many. Does this sound familiar? It sure does to me!
On the other hand, Dinah's brothers were not having it. The Law and their sister had been broken. By law (we're talking God's Law which is ultimately about the protection and nurturing of life) they had a right to seek justice and it was by blood — seeking death of the perpetrator (and his people since they saw no need to address the matter showing what kind of people they were too). Someone wise told me that rape was just as good as murder because it resulted in a dead woman (men too, this happens to them too) or child walking — life draining and drained from them (a life stolen) causing them to spread the same. The fruit of it, not blaming the victim by the way(!) is not good for the world. Rape robs a person of their life force (their will, reason and confidence to live) and blinds them with evil. Is depression not a draining force? What about anxiety? What about anger and wrath? Are these things not all consuming in human beings, especially when unaddressed for long? What about suicide? What brought it about in the first place? Do you see what I mean? It is THAT serious!
To further emphasize this, what you read in the first part of this read: women forced into survival mode rather than 'live my life' mode. Truly, how unfair and how great of a crime to humanity is that? To them and furthermore to the world? Evil. Just evil. A plague of death spreading like a furious wildfire!
God did then as much as He does now believe in justice for the oppressed. If you don't believe, google the verses that cover helping those who cannot help themselves — the needy, the sick, the poor, the heavy hearted, the demon afflicted, the hungry etc. The "Old Testament God" worked hard to eradicate the spread of evil and the death that comes with it. Remember, His design for us is about LIFE not DEATH. Think of Eden. His ability to see what we cannot means that we can't challenge His vision. The argument about why He let things happen as they did if He truly was all knowing is foolish to me now because of "all the gods" that exist, this is the One who grants us free will — the ability to choose without Him meddling with us. He does not do so without letting us know the paths and the consequences for said paths! He gives you a whole instruction manual with cautionary and motivational stories, yet, we still doubt His Word?! Doubt His love? Doubt His care?
I used to think that death (murder) was a bit much as a punishment for things. It felt like everything led to the spilling of blood in the OT, like there really was no right step for us, and everything was just WRONG — writing full of God's wrath wrath wrath. Now however, I see the logic in why it existed to such a degree. Rather than let a dangerous disease spread, you KILL IT so that many are saved from it and its effects. For example, had Jacob's way been followed, who's to say that the women of the Hebrews would be safe in the hands of their new partners, especially considering the name the Hebrews had and how the outsiders they mingled with lived? Would Dinah's story not serve as a genesis for the systematic abuse of their women because the Hebrew men refused to do something about it? Refused to protect their own and stand their ground when they had a chance (a much more favourable chance)? Followed by that, would it not in turn get the men abused too? Think about the disrespectful and degrading culture that would have been bred had the brothers not sought justice when and even how they did. It would probably end up being a power game and gain for the people of Shechem and their neighbours to "humble" the Hebrews — the "Great" Hebrews and their God are not so great after all, huh? Also, on a much more personal level, I am not sure how discreet and safe keeping of Dinah Shechem would have been considering what is written about his behaviour with her in public after what he did, which was NOT A SECRET. It felt like a taunt even! If you have heard anything of the case of Gisèle Pelicot, whose husband Dominique Pelicot, liked to pimp her out while she was passed out, then you know what I mean! Dinah would endure far worse until he either got sick of her or she died/killed herself. Just like her brothers said to their father, "Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?"
Severe consequences for molesters and rapists... That is a good example of a story about it and even God's hand and blessing in it. When I shared one of my stories with a close friend of mine, his reaction was this: THE MAN MUST DIE. I thought he was a bit much out of fear because we were talking murder, and we can't murder because that is "not the Christian way" of living. Even if murder is on the mind, it's not right but according to him some things are justified such as that because a man cannot and should not get away with damaging a life like that and I agree. I don't know when "Christianity" became such a soft sport, one accommodating of great evils in the name of kindness, grace and humility. NO! Our systems lost power when they lost the rule of consequence — severity in lesson making and teaching for such crimes. Worse of all, no serious follow up and enforcement when it comes to these matters in the least! Just like my new friend said: failed systems leading to last resorts that shouldn't be our burden to carry. Our systems and ones in charge of the systems have failed us. Look at us now!
There is an interesting statement that one of the brothers made, one that showed that forcing one's self on a woman was not a part of their culture nor was it tolerated if it did exist. It might have even been rare. Rare why? Rare because they had laws in place for such where the offenders were immediately punished. The kind of punishment must have kept them in line because I can't imagine they put very many people to death for this
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Woman: The Weaker Vessel
17th August, 2026 · MK.
ExperienceMature
I have “controversial” opinions.
I have questions about the world that we live in.
I have a problem with the system that we are raised in.
Men and Women lose their rights. Everything is at the cost of something else — at the cost of the other. There is no balance. There is only chaos. There is only evil dressed in light and good presented as evil. Good is bad and bad is good. What is this programming? Why is this programming? How do we stop this? How do we change the channel to something more appropriate for living? Something be-fitting us?
Eve was beguiled by the Serpent. Adam was convinced by Eve.
I see a seduced woman and a broken hearted man who wished he did and knew better. I see generations of pain and contempt given way to evil in the hearts and minds of men. I see forced power over women causing them to fight to be heard and to be seen. I see their pain and anger given way to evil. I see war between men and women instead of men and women battling their true enemy: THE ONE WHO BROUGHT (BRINGS) THE BREAK IN TRUST and consequently, the war between man and woman that will never end until man and woman face each other, SEE and hold each other in love knowing that they were always made to be TOGETHER. Neither above the other, but by each other’s side, helping with and fulfilling their God-given role on earth. How else to challenge God than to make God’s own good go bad and to turn away from each other so that all the goodness is destroyed?
Loyalty tests, although entertaining, are one of the most problematic things I have ever sat through. This one though, this one may have broken my back! I have always felt that there is no good thing that comes from putting people through temptation. Male or female, it is not good! It is right not to. We are fallible beings — why play into that fallibility expecting a different result?
“BUT YOU FOLDED”
I saw a woman AS A WOMAN. I saw her look and try for escapes but be blocked. I saw her try to get him to leave since she couldn’t leave. I heard her concerns about her safety. I saw her “petting the beast” to get away from him. It was not to get with him, it was to appease him enough for her to slip away unscathed. Hm, maybe I am projecting?
In a world where a woman’s direct “no” can cost her her life, I saw a woman complying in order to stay as safe as she possibly could. Many like to question why a woman did not fight or scream or run — they like to BLAME HER instead of trying to understand her — coming to the knowledge of her reality.
I think these people have never been in situations that make them fear for their lives the way women have to do mental gymnastics and math to leave dangerous or potentially dangerous situations such as what I saw and sensed strongly on my screen from the woman being tested by her boyfriend.
Abraham lied that Sarah was his sister and asked her to do the same for his sake. Why? He was scared that he would be killed for her. Killed by who? The Kings of the land they entered. Jacob was willing to leave Dinah, his daughter, in the home of her kidnapper and rapist knowing what had been done to her. Why? He was scared of losing his good reputation and relationship in the land and beginning a war costing not only him, but his people. Why? The land he and his people occupied was not theirs and their welcome was dependent on the good relationship with the owners of the land. Shechem was a prince, and undoubtedly a very entitled one based on how he just had Dinah taken and brought to him. Compliance as a survival mechanism, especially around those of greater power is a survival instinct. It always has been whether or not the behaviour and methods are agreeable. This is what happens when fear takes over — when the reality of what could be lost or damaged (that is of value) is brought forward. A choice between evils for the sake of good is presented. In fact, there really is no choice. (b¹ + b² = G)? How do two wrongs make a right? How do two evils make good?
This woman went to a stranger’s home (strange land) because she was sent there by her boyfriend to pick up something for him. Unfortunately, this was a setup to “see if she would cheat”. There was malicious intent. This intent came from a man not over getting “burned” in his previous relationship. He was looking for something wrong in his current relationship. Worst of all, he did this on a show known to CAPITALISE on cheating — on trust issues. Views come from the drama, never from reconciliation or promotion of something good. Negativity SELLS even if it packages itself as something good: exposé.
She was normal until the decoy showed up. She showed visible signs of discomfort and kept her distance from him, even avoiding facing him. But everything pointed to her needing to stay because there was one thing left that was needed (so she thought). She was even cut off outside when she started on a sentence about needing to leave so that they could hurry the process along and she could get out of there. Many times, she cued and every time she was dismissed. She was not heard and her anxiety was not seen, not even by the very person you would think was supposed to be on her side to do the “seeing” and the “hearing”. He could not see that she was afraid. He could not hear it either even though her comments expressed suspicion, fear and a need to get away or the man to get away from her. The more pressure was applied, the more compliant she became.
My offense comes from the failure of the people in the room to see and address what was clear from the get go. According to me, her boyfriend could not be relied on because he went in expecting and looking for something wrong. There is no way he would have seen the green flags even if green tinted glasses were put over his eyes. The issue was his eyes, his mind, and all they saw was red following his previous relationship.
Temptation and Boundaries
[1] And Jesus went unto the mount of Olives,
[2] And early in the morning came again into the Temple, and all the people came unto him, and he sat down, and taught them.
[3] Then the Scribes, and the Pharisees brought unto him a woman, taken in adultery, and set her in the midst,
[4] And said unto him, Master, we found this woman committing adultery, even in the very act.
[5] Now Moses in our Law commanded, that such should be stoned: what sayest thou therefore?
[6] And this they said to tempt him, that they might have, whereof to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground.
[7] And while they continued asking him, he lifted himself up, and said unto them, Let him that is among you without sin, cast the first stone at her.
[8] And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
[9] And when they heard it, being accused by their own conscience, they went out one by one, beginning at the eldest even to the last: so Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
[10] When Jesus had lift up himself again, and saw no man, but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
[11] She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said, Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.
I have always found this story quite peculiar. The woman was brought forward ALONE as if she committed adultery alone. Where was the man? If the Scribes and Pharisees were truly going by the Law of Moses, she would be brought forward with the man who she was caught “in the very act” with, right? This is not what happened.
Linking this to loyalty tests which are to tempt people into cheating to see if they will stay loyal (?!?!?!?) what is the likelihood that the situation she was caught in was orchestrated to entrap Jesus and she was just a pawn in that game — a “necessary” sacrifice for a BIG fish? Collateral damage. What if they had a decoy for her? What if they set her up to set Jesus up? What if she was intentionally put in a situation that she would otherwise never have been in in the first place? And what if that situation made her fall not because she wanted to, but because she was pushed to? She was cornered. What if she never actually failed and was just found with a man who was not her husband in a close and friendly proximity and that exaggerated to the point of “ADULTERER!”? What were the Pharisees NOT willing to do to take Jesus down? What are governments (government officials) willing to do to those who threaten their power and authority?
In every video I have seen on UDY’s page, it amazes me how quickly the decoys turn off their charm and seduction come exposure time as if they were never a part of the problem. Their role in it is completely excused. In fact, they become a part of the table of witnesses, accusing and belittling the one who showed up in good faith to do their partner a favour. They see no judgement, and know only applause for applying the necessary pressure to “expose a cheater” aka push someone to failure. Who in their sane mind sees this as right or fair?
After some (or maybe much) thought, Jesus challenged them all by saying that any sinless one could throw the first stone at her. Just like that, he shut it all down and her life was saved. The way he spoke to her was very very VERY interesting to me though.
“When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”
I see a man who saw her plight and her struggle in a society of men ruling over her, forcing her into situations that she could not help, in ways she could not defend without it costing her everything. A society that systematically abused and used her in the name of “the law” even though the law was twisted to fit the egos and desires of those in control of it — to prop them up and to put others down. A society where women like her were collateral, second to third class citizens — owned and a mere means to a poor end. A society that had normalised the mishandling and misunderstanding of women.
His words to her had an emphasis on MEN and unfortunately newer translations change this to “no one” which ends up changing EVERYTHING in my opinion because I believe this to be a message to women, a message to men about women (and their treatment of women). A look in the mirror to see what is wrong and must change. Where are those men? The ones who accuse you? The ones who condemn you? Is there not one (man) who can accuse or condemn you? “No man, Lord”. “Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more”.
“Go and sin no more” hits differently for me. One can look at it from its first layer which is “stop your adulterous behaviour” which wouldn’t be wrong. I look at another layer: sin brought about not by choice, but by circumstance. Jesus empowered her! First, he protected her (proved that no man could or would hurt her) and then he made it clear that no man had the right to hurt her with their rulings — no, not even him. He made her know her place and their place — she had power and she was protected (backed up) in it. She could live her life rooted in that fact — she could rise and stand her ground. She was allowed to and supposed to.
The healing that must have brought her?! The “demons” that must have left her? The security that must have come into her knowing that she was not only protected but free from her oppressors? Yes, absolutely, she was empowered! A man expected NOT to protect and uplift her, protected and uplifted her making sure she knew her right as a woman in the process, no matter what falsities men spoke to “humble” her as their right as “heads” or “makers, enforcers and teachers of the law”. This is my interpretation.
Here is the second story that fascinates me:
[1] Now when the Lord knew, how the Pharisees had heard, that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John,
[2] (Though Jesus himself baptized not: but his disciples)
[3] Hee left Judea, and departed again into Galile.
[4] And he must needs go through Samaria.
[5] Then came he to a city of Samaria called Sychar, near unto the possession that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
[6] And there was Jacobs well. Jesus then weary in the journey, sat thus on the well: it was about the sixth hour.
[7] There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said unto her, Give me drink.
[8] For his disciples were gone away into the city, to buy meat.
[9] Then said the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it, that thou being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? For the Jews meddle not with the Samaritans.
[10] Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest that gift of God, and who it is that saieth to thee, Give me drink, thou wouldst have asked of him, and he would have given thee, water of life.
[11] The woman said unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that water of life?
[12] Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and he himself drank thereof, and his sons, and his cattle?
[13] Jesus answered, and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water, shall thirst again:
[14] But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him, shall never be more a thirst: but the water that I shall give him, shall be in him a well of water, springing up into everlasting life.
[15] The woman said unto him, Sir, give me of that water, that I may not thirst, neither come hither to draw.
[16] Jesus said unto her, Go, call thine husband, and come hither.
[17] The woman answered, and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband.
[18] For thou hast had five husbands, and he whom thou now hast, is not thine husband: that saidst thou truly.
[19] The woman said unto him, Sir, I see that thou art a Prophet.
[20] Our fathers worshipped in this mountain, and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.
[21] Jesus said unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountaine, nor at Hierusalem worship the Father.
[22] Ye worship that which ye know not: we worship that which we know: for salvation is of the Jews.
[23] But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit, and truth: for the Father requireth even such to worship him.
[24] God is a Spirit, and they that worship him, must worship him in spirit and truth.
[25] The woman said unto him, I know well that Messias shall come which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.
[26] Jesus said unto her, I am he, that speak unto thee.
[27] And upon that, came his disciples, and marveled that he talked with a woman: yet no man said unto him, What askest thou? or why talkest thou with her?
[28] The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and said to the men,
[29] Come, see a man which hath told me all things that ever I did: is not he that Christ?
[30] Then they went out of the city, and came unto him.
[31] In the meanwhile, the disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat.
[32] But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of.
[33] Then said the disciples between themselves, Hath any man brought him meat?
[34] Jesus said unto them, My meat is that I may do the will of him that sent me, and finish his work.
[35] Say not ye, There are yet four months, and then cometh harvest? Behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the regions: for they are white already unto harvest.
[36] And he that reapeth, receiveth reward, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal, that both he that soweth, and he that reapeth, might rejoice together.
[37] For herein is the saying true, that one soweth, and an other reapeth.
[38] I sent you to reap that, whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.
[39] Now many of the Samaritans of that city believed in him, for the saying of the woman which testified, He hath told me all things that ever I did.
[40] Then when the Samaritans were come unto him, they besought him, that he would tarry with them: and he abode there two days.
[41] And many more believed because of his own word.
[42] And they said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is indeed that Christ the Saviour of the world.
I must admit that this one feels like there is more to be unravelled that I am yet to come (be brought) to the understanding of. This is the nature of the teachings of Jesus — layers anchored in the truth. Layers that are revealed at their time and place like he speaks of sowing and reaping: planting and harvesting. This is dependent on time!
That said, it is curious to me that around/about the SIXTH hour she met Jesus. She was on her SIXTH man (who was not her husband) and what he taught her (seated on Jacob's well) corrected an evil system anchored in man (SIX) because man was created on the sixth day: 666. This could be symbolic of Jesus coming to save and take his bride (the church) home.
Jesus revealed himself to her at a time when he was not about plainly giving his identity and deeper teachings to just anybody but those close to him (the ones he chose, the ones he called to follow). To her, he stated it VERY clearly. On top of that, he did it at a well — a place where water was found (but could run out). A similar case to Hagar in the old testament when an Angel appeared to her when she was on the run from Sarah. It happened at a water body (one natural and another unnatural). In both cases a promise was given, and in both cases the women were in some sort of great distress. In both, the women believed what they were told and flowed with it (pun intended).
As far as it came to relationships, the Samaritan woman was struggling. Her struggle, the strain, must have been great! Jesus met her at her point of need and let her know that she never had to thirst again if she asked. He offered something greater to her — he offered himself. He offered himself with the promise that she would never have to be in need again. I imagine that because of the value placed on marriage, and the authority therewith, there was a premium on being with a man because the man brought marriage. I presume girls were taught their place was in a home with and under a husband. Their ultimate purpose was to serve their lords and whatever they expected of them.
Depending on the kind of man or boy the girl or woman was married to, she would have to spread herself thin for him — “them” in her case. Such was the programming, such was the system, such was the belief. It was not in God, it was in men as gods. Man as god was heavy in her speech. She (woman) was not even mentioned. Even cattle came before the utterance of a “she”. Their beliefs were not in truth and not in God’s Spirit — these were the things the men did not know but the time for them to know was coming — had come. This is my interpretation.
There is no mention of the Samaritan woman having children. This makes me think that the reason for her rejection (divorce after divorce) could be the same reason Sarah mistreated Hagar. Hagar could have a child while Sarah could not. Hagar’s pregnancy happened immediately while Sarah had tried for years with Abraham with no success. Proof that she was with the problem, which cannot be an easy thing to come to terms with. Hagar was living the experience she could not but had wanted for the longest time. Imagine the frustration and how much she took out on Hagar as she watched the pregnancy grow! Children were so important to have and as it so often goes: the one who wants does not get and the one who does not want gets! A strange contradiction I cannot explain. Maybe the woman from Samaria was prone to miscarriages or maybe she just couldn’t get pregnant — was barren. Whatever the case, she was a woman in great need! She was hurting and continuing to hurt and allow hurt because such was the system in place: the kind where a woman’s needs were engulfed by the men’s thoughts and desires, whether right or wrong.
Do you see what I mean when I say sin caused by circumstance, not by choice? The choices given are already ILL. It means there is no choice, only an illusion of it and people moving within the illusion, trying to make the best out of it against their better to best nature. If there is a single oppressed person in the room, then you know something is wrong because that is not how we were designed to be. Life was meant to be lived, not survived.
MK Gets Personal
This is the part where I get personal. I have dated an insecure man before. One burned in the same way as the man in the video testing his girlfriend. Ever so often, he would question me. He’d call me an unhealthy amount of times in a day to find out whether I was still in the same place and still up to the things I said I was up to as if the nature of what I was doing would change every thirty minutes. You would think, despite my irritation about his hovering and very clear lack of trust, that I would just end it. But no, I thought I could save it. Why? Because I cared. Because I saw his pain. Because I wanted to take away his pain. This means that I went out of my way to ensure he was comfortable, to make sure that he knew I WAS WITH HIM and he could trust again.
The sad bit about this is that it was never enough. Nothing I did was good enough for him because he was constantly looking for a fault in me in relation to betrayal. It is like through me he wanted to get ahead of it. So, he was constantly reliving his past with me, his current, who had nothing against him. I only had the desire to ease his pain, not add onto it.
Our break up was interesting. It happened through text because there was no reasoning with him no matter how much I tried. According to me, a shout could very easily turn into a hit from him and it was not a situation I wanted to put myself into considering the pain (manifested in anger) that I would get from him via calls, especially when I would try to unpack what I knew was wrong but he didn’t believe because “he was a man” and men “aren’t emotional like we are” (used as a diss in this context). This is the biggest lie ever told! It is just a coping mechanism. So, I completely distanced myself from him for my safety. I stopped seeing him in person. This was a boundary I was not willing to drop for the sake of showing someone I cared about them. He was a threat. The energy was strong. Whether he knew it yet or not, he was a ticking time bomb and I was not about to let myself get caught in the fire of the explosion.
One night, I said goodnight to him via text after a short chat, only for him to video call me maybe an hour or two later to question me about why I was still online yet I had said goodnight. There was nothing left for us to talk about, that simple. Sometimes we have many things to say, other times we have less to say and others, nothing at all. It is like me and my writing: there are times I have all this to say and others I have stories as brief worded as ‘inscription’ and ‘sleep’. That doesn’t mean anything, it’s just how we’re wired — even deeper, just how I AM wired. I won’t always have long speeches to speak and Stephen King novels to type. There are times I have NOTHING.
Nothing I said mattered because the fact for him was I said goodnight, but my status was “online” and had been for at least an hour. I must have been talking to someone else! “I know you are cheating on me. Just admit it. At least have the balls and say it to me. You think I’m stupid, huh?!” Yeah, I was done from there. I had done all I could, maybe more than I needed to, but his need for closure through validation (of that which he missed in the past) was far stronger than any good I could do for him.
According to him, my love for him was supposed to show by bowing down to him. “You have to submit to me”. An overly misused, misunderstood and weaponised statement said and pushed by those who have no business using it in the first place! It is a power play: it has nothing to do with collaboration and partnership — it is an oppressive force. By that metric, he would have to learn how to be open to my opinions, would he not? “Dwell with your wives in knowledge/understanding/consideration and honour them”. It means he would have to be open to me, he would have to listen and consider the things I said to him. Unfortunately, the things pressed on nerves that he could not take, and I never did so in poor taste. He took challenges, pointers and observations that had anything to do with him being wrong or doing wrong as attacks that he countered with great aggression because according to him, “as a man” he was always right and tried to justify it using scripture. WRONG. You have got the wrong one! I was not his wife, and even if I was, that wasn’t the right relationship dynamic to have. That was just a method of controlling me.
I bring this up because the woman from the linked video struck me as a genuinely well intentioned person, burdened by her man’s insecurity, but working to hopefully get through and past it. She was there for him and she was THERE FOR HIM. Why didn’t she just leave? She didn’t leave because of him. She wanted to have something to bring back to her boyfriend because if it was anything, even a hint like what I went through, pleasing him was tough and being on one’s best behaviour was paramount. Going home empty handed would result in disappointment, and a disappointment would somehow justify thoughts in his mind about her not being loyal to him. The sad bit though? Disappointment was his personality when it came to dating. It would harden and blind him even more! Nothing she could do could stop that unless his eyes and mind were opened. Again, if she was anything like me, she just wanted to do something nice for him because she cared and wanted to see the best through, keeping in mind what damage had been done. That means she was willing to let boundaries be threatened or crossed as long as she got what she went there for — what he asked. This is why I say she had no choice, it was the cards she was dealt and it is sad to me that the dealer created such a rigged game for her.
He may not realise the depth of it now, but I think he burned her far more than he was burned by his ex. He did it for millions to watch. He humiliated her. He did not protect her — he did not guard her from what his “ruling” would do to her. If she does not heal from it, she will become a burner herself. SIN NOT BY CHOICE, BUT BY CIRCUMSTANCE. She may be the reason a new man behaves like him (or worse) and so the cycle of trust breaking continues if we don’t just shine a light on it now and start working on trust building.
Here is my second, more recent story.
I had the unfortunate experience of being judged on the streets of Lamu on a night time walk with my dad. No, not my blood and not my skin colour, but my father nonetheless! A drunk man hurled vulgarities at me when he spotted us because the immediate assumption was that I was looking for a meal ticket. Who knows? Maybe even a flight out of there to “a better life”. So, he “encouraged” me to give the white man a time he could never forget. He said that I should make it so good that it wouldn’t be a one night stand, and that I was not left behind because life would be so bad for me if I was. All this said in very graphic and unpolite ways. I actually felt like a prostitute. I was being judged like one. I was deeply offended but actually, mostly hurt. It did not help walking past children laughing and mocking saying it is not good for a black girl to be with a white man — oh look! Another one is about to bite the dust. The energy was mock-heavy, hostile and aggressive.
Despite this, I walked (we walked). I walked because even though this man was shouting for all of Lamu to hear — an intimate town with no secrets, embarrassing and degrading me, we were in strange territory and I did not know where defending myself would get me or my dad, especially since I felt responsible for his safety. This was his first time in Kenya after years of separation, and he had a family he needed to get back to in one piece. I needed him okay.
Better verbal assault than physical assault. A choice between evils — which is the lesser, which will leave me (us) in a better position? That man and his friends were not sober and clearly that man was speaking from a soreness in him about the matter! I did not want a fight. I did not want questions that I would find hard to answer. Wasn’t Lamu my bright idea? Wasn’t his visit FOR ME? Just an example of how blame games go. I just wanted peace and whatever safety we had. “Let him abuse you. At least your bodies are intact. You can deal with the mental toll, you always have, this is no different,” was my thought-line. This was the price.
I told my dad what the man was shouting about — what he was saying to me. On our second time passing the man who began shouting again, my dad did something that scared me. Terrified me actually! It was so sudden I couldn’t even stop him. No warning, just action. He walked back, took the shouting man’s hand to shake, looked him in the eyes and said, “That is my daughter. Stop”. The man exclaimed in what I can only interpret as surprise and realisation and then shut up after saying, “okay”. Silence. Complete silence. Peace. Relief. Release.
I felt something I have never felt before. I felt safe. I felt secure. I felt seen and important. That had never been done for me. Quite frankly, I didn’t expect it either. He heard what I said to him and considered what it meant for me and acted on it. He did in fact confirm when I asked him about it that learning what the man was saying to me made him angry and he felt like he needed to protect me. If this is any indication of how bad things are, take a note of it and do better, especially if you have the power to. So often we are trained to live through and accept disrespect and abuse. Even adapt to it: expect it, allow it, let it fester and turn us bitter. But, when he stood up for me and silenced it, it occurred to me just how programmed I was to “let it happen” and all that because the ones who should have protected me did not — not where it mattered at least. Protection makes boundaries clear, protection enforces them and gives confidence (security) to the protected ones. You have rights.
Burdens are meant to be shared and helped. Normalized does not mean normal. Common does not mean right or healthy. That was just another instance of me surviving, not living. Rather than enjoy my walk and talk with my dad, I was burdened with the thoughts of safety and a corruption in my view of him — things I had never thought, I was suddenly thinking: so, people ACTUALLY think I have sex with him? Do not get me wrong, I was not oblivious to the stereotype, in fact, I knew to expect it — I’m black, he’s white, I’m young, he’s old. It just never affected me until that night — until those hurtful things were said and my mind began to spiral in a way that weighed me down and dulled my beautiful experience with him. Suddenly, Lamu was getting ugly. I was trying not to let it get to me, but it was.
My imagination tells me that if I did not trust my relationship with him already, I would have distanced myself from him — started to close off because of being afraid of what the voices were saying, what the eyes were perceiving, what the minds were thinking. Maybe even what they were plotting as a lesson: paranoia.
It is good that he defended me. I wondered whether that was the liberating feeling that the adulterous woman went through. A realization that there were things she no longer had to bow to — a freedom from the things that weighed her down and caused her to sin (miss the mark of life). Just be you, just live — you were made for nothing less.
MK, The Weaker Vessel
Eve lost her voice (and her position) the moment she used it to channel and follow the words of a seductor — the serpent. The moment she chose deception over truth, and convinced Adam into it, everything fell apart. Why did the serpent go through Eve and not Adam? I have heard many say it is because she was the weak one, the weaker of the two thus “woman is the weaker vessel”. However, I doubt it is that simple and even true. I think it was to do with her strength, not her weakness.
Naturally, women are more tapped in (attuned) emotionally and spiritually. It doesn’t take us much to sense (and address) — we just do! This is our “superpower” so to say. This is not a competition, it is a gift and a God given purpose/role. Why do women develop faster than men in this aspect? Eve was an equal and suitable partner for Adam. One divinely created to help him on earth with that which God had tasked — tend to his creation and be fruitful. She was not above him or below him.
My theory is that woman, based on what comes naturally to us, was a conduit for Divine things. I think the Serpent knew this and took advantage of the “open channel”. He seduced her, he had her go against the instruction of God, and then she convinced Adam to do the same thing. Everything fell apart from there. This is how she lost her position, not her gifting. This is how she lost her voice and her authority.
If someone you trust convinces you to do something, and because you trust their word you do, and it ends up getting you into big trouble, how would you feel? How would you react? Would you trust their opinions again given what it cost you the first time? Trust issues! Generations of TRUST ISSUES. What happens when you are not able to work through it? So yes, man did in fact rule over his wife, and the woman desired for him to see her and to hear her but he would not — not the same way as before.
The trouble with this is negative emotions pave the way for the entry of demons when not addressed properly. More negative energy! They cannot be where there is light, they can only be where there is darkness (blindness). Therefore, evil matures and it reigns. It steals, it kills and it destroys everything characteristic of life in its path. It is insidious, it is relentless and it knows its role. I think the Serpent was very strategic in going for Eve because in doing so, trust would be broken in a way challenging to mend and God’s design would be undermined greatly because of it.
Just think about it. What is the difference between a man who has been betrayed and a woman who has been betrayed? I think both can and will shut, but one of the two will be more able to work through it faster than the other, ESPECIALLY given the right support. Have you ever noticed the difference between a woman who’s truly pursued God, and done so recently, and a man? It is almost like suddenly, she can speak to and hear from God very clearly. Why? Could it be that she was created to be that connected and directed? Is this the help she was made for? Food for thought.
This is part of the reason why the story of the Samaritan woman fascinates me. It is multifaceted. Why did he reveal himself to a woman? Not a man? To undo the deceit of the serpent? A rewrite of the story? To bring back credit to the voice of woman? To restore her to her position? To heal her? To heal man? To heal the world? She went and convinced men as Eve convinced Adam, and they believed and commended her for bringing them the truth, not a lie. They were clear about this. She could be trusted! What new era did this usher in? What healing? What restoration? What did Jesus teach them? What seed did he sow? An undoing?
To further back up my thoughts, I will introduce a new six to the pattern. Remember, six is the number of man because man was created on the sixth day.
Elizabeth became pregnant in old age when it was believed to be impossible. However, by the power of God, the impossible was made possible and she was no longer barren and got pregnant in her advancement of age (a double miracle). She became pregnant with John, the one sent to turn hearts, minds and ears to God before Jesus came to save — like someone sent to warm up the masses, make them more inclined to belief and receive life (soften them for me).
When Elizabeth was SIX months pregnant, Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary to tell her her blessing, destiny and that of the child she would conceive by the Holy Spirit. I think this is why the emphasis on virginity by the way. One who only had God in her and was therefore sensitive to following that which was from Him. A portal. A conduit. A channel. The son (sun=light) of God, the son (sun=light) of man as he popularly referred to himself, came through her. Think about how John moved in Elizabeth’s womb when she was with Mary during that visit on her sixth month — pave-a-way.
Unlike the fall in the beginning, where Eve was used for evil and tricked, heeding to the wrong voice, to the wrong spirit, to the wrong body, we see Mary as the OFFICIAL beginning to the new story for the earth. An official announcement that the time had come for redemption. She was used by the HOLY SPIRIT to bring forth a RISE from the death brought into the world from the serpent’s seduction into Eve’s entire being and all that flowed from her as the mother of life on earth therefore corrupting the grand design. However, this had been happening throughout biblical records, but quietly, starting from Abraham — the promise.
You cannot change a system from the outside going in, you can only EFFECTIVELY change it from the inside going out. This is a matter of hearts and minds for the salvation of souls. Belief systems and faith. The action will follow. What do we put our trust in? Man? Woman? God? It should be God because everything that is good (for us) and true will come from Him. God is a SPIRIT who should be worshipped in spirit and truth. This is where it begins. It begins with YOU and God. It is personal. This is what I understand from his message to the Samaritan woman.
[1] Likewise let the wives be subject to their husbands, that even they which obey not the word, may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives,
[2] While they behold your pure conversation, which is with fear.
[3] Whose apparel, let it not be that outward, with braided hair, and gold put about, or in putting on of apparel:
[4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, which consisteth in the incorruption of a meek and quiet spirit, which is before God a thing much set by.
[5] For even after this manner in time past did the holy women, which trusted in God, attire themselves, and were subject to their husbands.
[6] As Sara obeyed Abraham, and called him Sir: whose daughters ye are, whiles ye do well, not being afraid of any terror.
[7] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them as men of knowledge, giving honour unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessell, even as they which are heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not interrupted.
According to me, women as weaker vessels has nothing to do with them being weak. Women are referred to as the weaker vessel because they are weakened. Husbands are given the responsibility to learn, understand and consider this and then after, do what is necessary to change it — to uplift her, raise her up to her rightful position. Ezer Kenegdo.
Honour your wife, love your wife, give yourself up for her as Christ did the Church. He did it so that we are saved and have eternal life. So that we are restored to that glory which we fell from which we are equally entitled to now. There is no difference between us. The only thing between us and that fullness of life is the system that hurts us. “…that your prayers may not be interrupted”.
You (man) are the only one who can do it because as the system exists — you are the head — we live in a patriarchy!This is a man’s world. You have to understand what needs to change first. It’s not about making blind decisions — this requires precision. Jesus was not foolish! As self-sacrificial as he was, he was surrendered to something HIGHER than him, he was surrendered to God! For this to work, you have to be too. He could make wise decisions because wisdom was given to him. Head, use your head, pun intended. You are protectors, learn how to protect effectively.
I told my dad what was happening since he could not understand. From there, he took immediate action come the chance because of the two of us, he was more equipped and had the power to. He was not violent even though he was angry about it. In fact, he worked in conflict resolution and the most important thing to remember is people need to know that you respect them. That is why he shook his hand, that is why he had to look into his eyes and then from there speak the fact and need: That is my daughter. Stop.
Meet people where they are at. Jesus was very good at this. He was careful but never compromised his mission. He was strategic, he was tactful — something he worked to teach his disciples: you plant seeds (however, the seeds will land on different kinds of ground).
Matthew 10:16 / GNV[16] Behold, I send you as sheep in the midst of the wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and innocent as doves.
I believe this is the reason why women were not allowed to speak in churches once upon a time. It was about practicing caution. It was because the men would not have it. They would and could not take it. It was probably destructive and not worth it because the point would be lost in legalities and beliefs surrounding the validity and capability of women. Hearing from a man was bound to bring more and better results. They were not ready for a woman to speak to them. The woman was not respected because she was not trusted. This just had to be considered and men given the mic always. The Law was NOT in favour of women and I have given my shortened theory why — a psychological and spiritual perspective. An additional reason is it might have been for women to learn and grow from it so that they did better — no room for error next time! The town of Sychar was ready to hear a woman, it was ready to have its system rewired and renewed. There are still places that are not.
I introduced the concept of compliance as a survival tactic. Even greater and more concerning than that, sin by circumstance and what happens when we tempt each other unnecessarily and push each other into sin in the name of “testing”. Do not test each other because there are already great weaknesses in us all. Do not cause another to fall, nothing good comes out of it. Only a greater susceptibility to doing and being consumed by evil because of being hurt. The famous “hurt people hurt people”.
[12] So then every one of us shall give accounts of himself to God.
[13] Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but use your judgement rather in this, that no man put an occasion to fall, or a stumbling block before his brother.
[14] I know, and am persuaded through the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but unto him that judgeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is uncleane.
[15] But if thy brother be grieved for the meat, now walkest thou not charitably: destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.
[16] Cause not your commodity to be evil spoken of.
[17] For the kingdome of God, is not meat nor drink, but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
[18] For whosoever in these things serveth Christ, is acceptable unto God, and is approved of men.
[19] Let us then follow those things which concern peace, and wherewith one may edify another.
[20] Destroy not the work of God for meats sake: all things indeed are pure: but it is evil for the man which eateth with offence.
[21] It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or made weake.
[22] Hast thou faith? have it with thyself before God: blessed is hee that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
[23] For he that doubteth, is condemned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: and whatsoever is not of faith, is sin.
When my dad stood up for me, my mind was opened in a new way. I could see a chain of events that led me to accept abuse — to comply. I could see that which was in my power and that which was not in a depth I hadn’t before. He enforced a boundary I didn’t feel allowed to enforce out of fear. Fear paralyzes us, it truly does. We have been made to fear the wrong things: we have given power to the wrong things. It revealed the layer of a lie for me. It is interesting because in November of 2024, I had a dream where a voice told me: Don’t fret, you are forgiven. A lot of the things you were blamed for were not your fault.
2 Timothy 1:7 / GNV[7] For God hath not given to us the Spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
We carry burdens of great weight passed on to us. God is not blind to this and I believe this to be the reason why Jesus was exorcising demons from people. There truly are things that are out of your control that take a hold and become a norm and drive you to insanity. That is their role! Like I said, they do it well! There are also things that are IN your control and as soon as you learn, as soon as you see, it is YOUR responsibility to take action. Protect and promote life. Tend and keep. Multiply, multiply, multiply!
There is soooo much I could say. I am after all, a rambler! I hope my rambles are clear though. This is not about woman versus man. It is about LIFE versus DEATH. What did God create us for? What was life made to be? The oppressed have to be liberated. His system is not built on oppression therefore many things will have to fall away. This is the point of Jesus coming! He came to set us free and restore us to the glory and beauty of God’s ORIGINAL DESIGN. This is woman centered because I don’t think many women really see themselves in the Bible yet I am 100% convinced today that Jesus saw and sees you! I was never like this. Draw near and he will respond. You will be freed of all your burdens and you will know your role. Focus on God, only God, the path will be made clear for you.
Often, I try not to take a theological route. I try not to write or speak so “JESUS!” but it happens anyway! To close, 1 Peter 3:1-7 is about wives being given the responsibility to teach their husbands about themselves, to do so respectfully, and to trust that their husbands are for them, not against them. There is no terror, there is no reason to be afraid (and I think we can sympathise with why women would be afraid of fully letting them into their world). Husbands on the other hand have been given the responsibility to learn their wives so that they know all things about them. In this, they become aware of the things that weaken them and consider them in not only their decision making but their prayers because their responsibility is to do for their wives what Jesus did for the world — for the church — for his bride. Give her life. Return her to her rightful position and hold nothing over or against her. HONOUR HER.
[1] Who so dwelleth in the secret of the most High, shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
[2] I will say unto the Lord, O mine hope, and my fortress: he is my God, in him will I trust.
[3] Surely he will deliver thee from the snare of the hunter, and from the noisome pestilence.
[4] He will cover thee under his wings, and thou shalt be sure under his feathers: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
[5] Thou shalt not be afraid of the fear of the night, nor of the arrow that flyeth by day:
[6] Nor of the pestilence that walketh in the darkness: nor of the plague that destroyeth at noon day.
[7] A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand, but it shall not come near thee.
[8] Doubtless with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
[9] For thou hast said, The Lord is mine hope: thou hast set the most High for thy refuge.
[10] There shall none evil come unto thee, neither shall any plague come near thy tabernacle.
[11] For he shall give his Angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways.
[12] They shall bear thee in their hands, that thou hurt not thy foot against a stone.
[13] Thou shalt walk upon the lion and asp: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou tread under feet.
[14] Because he hath loved me, therefore will I deliver him: I will exalt him because hee hath known my Name.
[15] He shall call upon me, and I will hear him: I will be with him in trouble: I will deliver him, and glorify him.
[16] With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.
Corner was the prompt for this one! Do not corner each other. Instead go to your little corner to seek and dwell with God. Psalm 91. Your paths will eventually be made clear.
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Gisèle Pelicot
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